Dieting Tips for the Perpetually Lazy

Gah. I'm on a diet again. Again. Boo.

My sister is getting married in March and I am the maid of honor. Oh, I'm honored! The best man, incidentally, is well over six feet tall. And he's a triathlete. Woo, boy, am I going to look dumpy next to him! I can't wait.

Actually, I can wait. I keep wishing the wedding were a little later in the year so I could spend more time (not) dieting and (not) working out. I can accept that I am a chunk, but I'd really rather not look dumpy in pictures that will live on for years. I already saw the pictures from the bridal shower (oh, the joys of facebook) and I can say with some certainty that I looked like an albino moose in a wig. But, enough about that. I hate talking about my body as though it has betrayed me, when really I have betrayed it. Instead of being mindful of the things I eat and the amount of activity I engage in, I've been eating whatever strikes my fancy. And I've made very little effort to do otherwise.

While I was in law school, I was on the South Beach diet pretty consistently for several months. I lost some weight, got some muscle tone (I was also working out), and just generally felt better about the way my clothes fit and the way I looked. I fully intended to start up with this again now, but I just keep eating the worst possible stuff. Ugh.

So, OK, as my body digests my everything bagel and thinks, "Woman! Eat some damn vegetables!" I will resolve once more to cut out wheat and sugar and focus on some healthier options.

Oh, the real tip? Stop eating everything bagels slathered in cream cheese. And stop ordering pizza when, one way or another, you're going to end up eating the whole thing over the next few days. It's still a whole pizza you're eating.

I'm expecting my shipment of beans from Rancho Gordo (www.ranchogordo.com) today. I'll be back on Monday to let you know how the first bean-cooking trial went.

Food, Glorious Food

Things I tried to like, but failed:

1. Mushrooms
2. Zucchini
3. Pumpkins and other squashes (gourds?)
4. Pork*
5. Ham
6. Seafood**
7. Cooked apples
8. Sweet potatoes***
9. Spiced desserts, like those involving nutmeg and cloves and allspice
10. Cabbage
11. Celery****

Things I tried to like and succeeded:
1. Olives
2. Bacon
3. Lamb
4. Duck
5. Tomato soup
6. French onion soup

*So, this isn't universal. But I don't like pork shoulder, pork roast, pork potstickers, etc. I will eat pork sausage, but not always. I made a meatsauce using only pork sausage one time and I couldn't eat it. It grossed me out. Sorry, I tried.

**I get so much hell about this one. When people find out that I don't eat seafood, they're always like, "but, you're from Louisiana!" Yes. This is true. But I tried. I can't stand the smell. I want to like it! It often looks good. And sushi is so adorable! But I just can't do it. The only exception is StarKist tuna from a can. And spare me the argument that salmon isn't fishy, or I would like X if I had X prepared a certain way. No. I wouldn't.

***Oh, how I long to like sweet potatoes!! I just can't. They taste weird to me. Maybe a little squash-like? It's a weird flavor that I can't put a name to, but always makes me dry heave a little.

****Celery makes me gag. If chopped into little bits and cooked, as in soup, or red beans, I don't mind it. But no matter how tiny it is, if it's raw, I'll taste it. I'll know it's there and it will make me gag. Gahh! Celery! Blech!

Where Art Thou, HTML?

When I blog at work, HTML must be disabled.  Or Java?  I don't know nothing about programming no blogs.

So, I had to make a modification to my last post to insert a link where before it was a non-linky web address.  Isn't this interesting?  Awesome.

So, onto other things.  I'm doing a joint project with someone I work with and their portion leaves much to be desired.  What to do?  I'm not the first person to encounter this dilemma.  I'm probably not the first person to sit in my office who has faced the problem of a teammate who isn't pulling his or her weight.  But I'm not sure if I should just let it go and let our manager sort it out, offer to help, or just revise the offending portions without being asked.  Perhaps I'll do nothing.  That course of action always works out for the best.

Hey, more than a year ago, I fell on the steps at a restaurant (Maggiano's, if you must know).  All was well for many months, and now I'm experiencing some foot pain.  Oh, did I say "some?"  I meant a hell of a lot.  It's weird and I don't know what to do about it.  I would go to the doctor, but I feel weird going to a sports medicine/orthopedist to be like, "I fell a while ago and my foot hurts."  And when I search for primary care physicians on my insurance company's website, all I get are the names of doctors who work from clinics.  And, OK, sue me, but I would like to go to an actual doctor's office.  One where I get my insurance co-pay's worth.  I mean, I pay for the insurance every month, right?  I should at least get a waiting room with padded folding chairs.  Barack Obama, solve my healthcare crisis!

I Hate the News. Also, Resolutions!

I hate the news. I do. I did a brief stint in an office that dealt with Congress. In said office, I had a TV at my desk and it was expected I be up on the goings-on of government and politics (incidentally, I also hate politics). After a month, I felt so depressed and drained that I HATED that job. But, you know what? I don't think it was the job's fault at all. I think it was the news. I know that there are many, many people (my Darlin' included) who think that a failure to keep up with current events is the most inexcusable form of willful ignorance. I don't care, though. My life seems lighter and brighter when I'm not up on every crisis facing the planet. Yes, I know it's a little ridiculous, but denial is my BFF.

And now, resolutions!

OK, my first resolution was to unpack my suitcase from my Christmas travels by January 1st. Check! It's done! 2009 is a success!

Second resolution: create a working budget and financial plan. Ugh. I think I tried this last year, too. The problem is that I am completely disorganized, scatterbrained, and undisciplined. Shocking, no? I'll keep you posted on how the budget is coming. I should actually do some work this week, though, so it will have to wait for a slow day at the office (because it needs to be done in Excel. Duh.)

Third resolution: bring one box of items to Goodwill every month. If I am 12 boxes closer to a decluttered apartment come December 31st, I will feel...better somehow. Bonus points for 2 boxes per month!

Fourth resolution: I want to sew a dress and a skirt from a pattern, all proper-like, with my sewing machine. I play around with my sewing machine all the time, but I never produce anything wearable. Or anything that I would be proud to tell people I had made. This will be my year, though! I'm excited. If you're wondering what kind of dress I'd like to make, look here: dress!  

Wouldn't that be an adorable dress for a summer garden party? And you know how many of those I host every year...

There may be more resolutions that occur to me as the year progresses, but I think this is a good start. Working from a budget would improve my quality of life overall, as would decluttering my home. Overall life improvement. That's what I'm all about here.

Do They Know It's Christmas Time At All?

So, yeah, Christmas.

Blah.

Here's the thing: Christmas is really exciting for me. I like it. I like visiting my family, I like buying presents, I like receiving presents, and, perhaps most importantly, WRAPPING presents.

But.

I'm kind of getting tired of it. Looking back on last Christmas, which was my first Christmas since graduating from school, I realize there was a lot of stress. Now, when I say my first Christmas since graduating from school, I mean the first Christmas in 20 years where I was not on "Christmas break." In fact, I was on no break at all, because I had just started my job, so I had no money and no vacation time. I flew out the Saturday before Christmas and flew back Christmas day. And then went back to work early the next morning. So, yeah, some stress.

This Christmas, I daresay it was worse. I had no excuse for not being on top of everything. Oh, well, I did get a second job to help pay down some credit card debt. And I did have to plan for my sister's bridal shower, to be held on the 27th. But I did have some vacation time. And a little bit of money. And I'm more settled into my apartment now than I was last Christmas.

I just can't help feeling like I'm missing out on actually enjoying it. And, yeah, I know you've heard it all before. But I'm not talking about missing out on the true meaning of Christmas or remembering that Jesus is the Reason for the Season or anything so deep or spiritual as that. Just that I like to buy presents, get presents, eat good food and hang out with my family.

And this year I spent a month WORRYING about these things instead of looking forward to them. I worried about getting everything down to New Orleans in one piece. I worried about how I would fit all my gifts in my luggage (if that isn't a first-world sob story no one sobs over, I don't know what is). I worried about my flights, My Darlin's flights, getting both of us to and from the airport. I worried about neglecting someone while I was in town to visit. And I did neglect people. Like everyone. And so here I am. It's New Year's Eve and I haven't recovered from Christmas. I haven't unpacked my suitcase. I haven't beaten the Super Mario Brothers game. Oh, whoops. I mean, I have bigger concerns than that.

SO! This year. This year will be better. As you can see from my very first post here on No Major Issues, this blog was a New Year's Resolution of sorts from last year. Although I didn't keep up with it quite like I had hoped, I do plan to try harder this year. I'll be back soon to regale you with stories of my New Year's Eve (Pop Tart, anyone?).

Planty Planty Plants

I don't think I'm a good gardener. Actually, that's overstating it--I don't think I'm a good house plant-tender. I had 2 plants in my house until yesterday. One was a tiny little thing, green and leafy, in a small ceramic pot, the other a tall palm-like thing, in a large plastic pot. I think I last watered them in June.

But anyway.

Obviously, when you are not very good at tending the plants in your house, the solution is to buy more plants, so that they can all mock you with their dying and their leaf-losing. Yesterday, I went to IKEA to buy some new plants. I bought 5. I didn't really need 5, but my living room has this weird stale smell to it and I thought that bringing in some plants might help to freshen it up. (Does it work that way? Will the plants magically make my living room have fresher air?) I'm quite pleased with how these plants look, in their adorable, matching, white, ceramic pots. Hopefully I'll remember to water these. I bought a purple watering can as well to make watering more fun, so I'm on my way to a lush, verdant habitat, fit for fauna of the Amazon.

I might need to go buy a bag of dirt tonight. The large palm-like plant is just in a plastic pot inside the much larger plastic pot and is leaning precariously to one side. There's something about buying dirt, though, right? I mean, can't I just go somewhere and grab a couple handfuls? All this plant talk got you down? I'll change the subject.

I have been designing some databases (definitely not something I'm trained to do) and I've been consulting Colour Lovers for some color palettes that will look nice together and be better than the default blues and greys. I do love this site and all the great patterns and palettes, but methinks sometimes these designers get a little too into their "art," most of which is probably done in MS Paint. Par example, the palette I chose for my most recent database is called "Archaic Love." Really? Archaic? Nice.

What's Your Dream?

Do you remember that guy in Pretty Woman that walked around asking people what their dreams were? No? OK.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my future. I'm sure I'm completely alone in contemplating what the next 10 years of my life look like. No one has similar thoughts, concerns, and wishes, right? I'm a totally unique little blogger, right?

Anycrap, I've been thinking about what my dream job is and how I might get there. The problem with focusing on my one goal in life and not straying from it is that I actually have two jobs. There are at least two things that I think would make me fabulously happy to do for the rest of my life.

1) The first job would be to work for the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime. They have a branch office in Russia (I know it's a big country, but I don't remember the city and this is a research-free blog) where I would love to work. In what capacity? Dunno. But, since I am quite pro-Russia and quite anti-drug, it suits my interests nicely.

2) The second job is to open "Little Buffalo Dry Goods," either in New Orleans (my hometown) or in Del Ray, Virginia, which is a charming little community. The little shop I'm thinking of would sell fabric by the yard, as well as various handmade goods and craft supplies. When I picture it, there are lots of windows and the shop itself is fairly simple--most of the decorations are supplied by bolts of brightly colored fabrics that are for sale and brightly colored skeins of yarn and embroidery floss. Oh, if only.

So, yes, those are my two dream jobs. I don't know which I'll work toward. At the moment, the thought of expending a large quantity of money to start my own business seems appalling. What with the student loans and the credit card debt--oy, the credit card debt--spending any money seems appalling. Perhaps there will be a way, someday.

In other news, I can't remember the last time I ate a vegetable, so it may be time to have a salad for lunch.