No Major Issues

Friendship

2012-02-09T13:14:00.003-05:00

Do you have a friend who lets you be the craziest possible person you could be? I mean someone who lets you explore possible reactions to things that happen in your day, without being judgmental or saying, "no, your wedding day is not the time to call your ex-boyfriend?" You need one. I have one.

I think of this as a kind of therapy--one time, at a "leadership training," we did a peer-to-peer coaching exercise. Yes, we did. At one point, while my coachee was describing what seemed to be an insurmountable problem for someone in our position, I asked her, "what's the craziest thing you can think of to do?" And she described something that was both crazy and completely uncrazy. In the end, our conclusion was that she'd do something based on her crazy idea, but minus a smidgen of crazy. The exercise was strangely and unexpectedly productive.

There's value in this: allowing yourself to explore the crazy, and then scaling it back to where you get to go with your gut while not leaving your mind out of it entirely.

In the context I'm thinking of: I got the brush-off from a guy I wasn't entirely convinced I was interested in. And, I got it via text message. It was completely unexpected, especially considering the mild way in which I had shown interest. After I got the text, I spent 45 minutes with my friend thinking of completely unreasonable responses--wedding dress-clad workplace drop-by? property destruction? lawsuit? In the end, I decided to just let it go, but it was so much more enjoyable to explore the possibility of hopping on the crazy train carrying all my luggage, and heading down the track at full speed.

Which, I suppose, makes me a woman.

Dieting, I guess

2012-02-07T08:56:00.003-05:00

So, some celebrity fitness person (I think it's Jillian Michaels, although I'm not doing any research to verify her name) has made the point that it's not enough to just park far away from the grocery store and take the stairs occasionally if you want to be fit. You have to work for it, and you should work for it, because healthiness and fitness are important. OK. Point taken. I don't actually do either of those things, nor do I really do anything else. I recently (actually, it might have been a year ago) worked briefly with a trainer, and she said that I should worry more about my diet than about exercising, because I won't get fit (or skinny) just by working out. OK. Point taken.

For me, though, I need to do the small stuff, and I need to be given some "good enough" points. The header says it all--yes, I know salsa doesn't actually count as a vegetable. However, I will put salsa (containing tomatoes and onions and peppers) on my scrambled eggs, when I won't bother to cut up vegetables and add them to my scrambled eggs. And I'll use my thighmaster while I'm sitting at my desk (stop laughing), when I won't go to the gym.

The small steps are important for me. I have to start somewhere, and I have to do what I can, because the alternative is what I've been doing for the last year, which is nothing. This applies in so many places to my life, though! I will do one load of laundry, even though it's not enough, because it's better than nothing. I will get three things done at work, even though it's not enough, because the alternative is to play around on Pinterest all day.

Also, salsa is delicious.

Amazonian Review Power

2012-01-24T08:37:00.003-05:00

I pretty much know I should never read the reviews or comments for anything, particularly something I care about. I remember how, after Hurricane Katrina had wiped out my home and sent my family reeling, I would see comments on news articles about how people had to stop complaining about it, or "they should know better," or, worst of all, that somehow poor people, families, and fishermen (who experienced the worst of it), "deserved it." [Actually, that's probably a good place for an aside--when some people heard that New Orleans was being destroyed by an act of God, they assumed the modern-day Sodom was being smote. In fact, the kind of debauchery that warrants the title "modern-day Sodom" is fairly limited, geographically, and that part of the city remained relatively unscathed. The suburbs (hot beds of sin!), lower income neighborhoods, and small towns supported by fishing industries suffered substantial damage.]

I also can't listen to radio call-in shows. I used to wake up to some kind of C-SPAN call-in show, during the 2008 election, and it made me want to tear the alarm clock to pieces--not a good feeling, especially when it's something you kind of hate anyway.

I know there's no shortage of opinions when it comes to people being hateful while hiding behind anonymity, but this is actually something else:

I frequently read Amazon product reviews. I figure it's part of my consumer due diligence for shopping online. I generally don't read them for books, because of the aforementioned hatefulness. I wanted to get some feedback on one book I had heard was "controversial," and I was pleasantly shocked by the thoughtfulness and thoroughness of the reviewers. It read more like genuine literary criticism (my least favorite class in college) than the rantings of crazy idiots. Anyway, in case you're curious--the reviews of Rob Bell's Love Wins are worth skimming.

WTF, Comcast?

2012-01-10T15:54:00.002-05:00

Today, I spoke with Comcast. I actually started talking to Comcast on Saturday, when the rep on the other end of the line said, “I’m going to run some diagnostic tests.” And then said the modem was “depleted” (may contain uranium?) and needed to be replaced.

When can he schedule an appointment for a technician to come to my house during working hours to look at it? Um, never. OK, when can I go to a service center during working hours to drop it off? Um, never. I work during working hours. Can you mail me a new one? You have to call back during working hours. Fine.

Yesterday, I called and talked to someone who said they could mail me one. It should arrive on Thursday. Sorry for the inconvenience. Fine.

Then I got a barely intelligible voicemail saying I needed to talk to sales if I wanted a new modem, but no mention of how one gets in touch with sales. Fine.

So I called back today and was told they needed to run some diagnostic tests before they could mail me a new modem. Am I near my modem? NO. LIKE I TOLD THE OTHER COMCAST REPS, I AM NOT ABLE TO HANG OUT WITH MY MODEM DURING WORKING HOURS, WHICH IS APPARENTLY THE ONLY TIME ANYONE WILL TALK TO ME ABOUT GETTING A NEW MODEM. Please hold for a supervisor.

15 minutes elapse. New rep answers the phone: how may I assist you today? Uh, I’m waiting to speak to a customer service supervisor. New rep works in billing. Doesn't know how I ended up in her call queue. Please hold while she tries to get someone in customer service on the line.

10 minutes elapse. New rep answers the phone: how may I assist you today? Through clenched teeth, I explain that I just need someone to ship me a new modem, and I will gladly mail the old one back. OK, it may be 3 – 5 business days for me to receive it. She can overnight it, but it will cost me $30. Can’t you waive the fee? Sure, she can do that.

So, hopefully it’s done? Perhaps a mere 5 days later, I will have internet service again? I have to imagine that this is the plight of all people who are dependent on a single company to provide a service they consider necessary. Cox doesn't serve my side of the street, apparently, and Verizon needs phone lines? Or cables? Or something?

Hey Y'all

2011-01-03T15:34:00.004-05:00

So, hey.

I'm back, after one heck of a hiatus. In truth, I didn't intend to stop blogging, I just got caught up in a vicious cycle of not having anything to say, then having something to say but not being near a computer, then doubting the merits of that thing once I was back online. Not particularly exciting.

I just returned home after a long trip to visit my family for the holidays. Going home makes it emotionally harder to live far away, but I'm honestly exhausted and excited for a return to my work-work-sleep routine.

My new year's resolution--after I failed miserably at my one and only resolution for 2010--is to be more environmentally conscious. Not to be a perfect Eco Ellie, but to actually make an effort to bring old newspapers to the recycling bin instead of throwing them in the trash. To use my reusable shopping bags, a la Swistle. To throw my empty cans in the right bins. I already do these things, to some extent, but I want to get better about it.

On my frequent walks to the Metro, I often see the huge trains of trash cars chugging along. That is a lot of trash. I should make the effort to lessen my contribution to that.

Also, I won't call this a resolution, but I have gotten out of the practice of cooking for myself and packing lunches and I want to get back on the ball with that, as it's good for me for a number of reasons, including my finances and my health.

Among the Best Things Ever.

2010-05-25T15:38:00.003-04:00

Going to McDonald's, mid-afternoon, to get a chocolate-banana milkshake and an order of fries.

Waking up to the classical music radio DJ expounding exuberantly on the piece he's about to play.

The end of a long streak of very important, very stressful, and very time consuming meetings.

Those are the things that have made my day today.

A Kinder, Gentler Black Panther

2010-04-22T11:57:00.004-04:00

The other day I saw a guy walking down the street in a Black Panther beret. A homeless man raised his fist in a Black Panther salute and shouted, "Hey, Panther!" and the Panther turned and waved and smiled quite cheerily. It was a very nice interaction between strangers. Maybe this is the new, less-militant M.O. of the Black Panthers?

In college, I once gave a presentation on historic events in the civil rights movement, including the attempted assassination of James Meredith. The source I was using just said, "he was shot in the head." This, to me, meant death. Naturally, I did no further research because, like I said, I was in college and checking to make sure my report subjects actually died is too rigorous for me. Yeah, I don't remember that going over well.

These two things are related because of (a) civil rights and (b) my concern that my report on the Black Panther walking down the street would make it seem like I didn't understand the Black Panther movement. I am here to assure you that I have done no research.

Let's Split the Bill

For someone who spends a lot of money, I think I might actually be cheap. I loathe going to big group dinners at restaurants, because I hate when everyone throws into the pot with little regard for what they ordered. What I don't understand and never understand is how people so grossly miscalculate what they owe. And this seems to happen just about every time I go out with a group. At some point, someone will say, "OK, everybody throw in another dollar." No. No, I will do no such thing. Why this bothers me is because I tend to order according to what I feel comfortable spending on that meal. It really irks me when I'm expected to pay more than my share because someone else isn't giving what they should.

Last night I went to dinner with a group (it worked out fine, I'm just using this as an example), and I ordered a $4 appetizer and a $12.75 entree. I drank water. I put in $20. I worked it out thus: $16.75 for food, plus 10% tax (a gross overestimate) would be about $18.50. I throw in another $1.50 to account for a margin of error in my calculation. The tip gets added in later. I always work in pretty much the same way--over-contributing slightly so there's no squeeze. Why don't other people do this? I really don't like splitting bills. Yep, I'm definitely cheap. I'd rather eat alone than have to pay an extra $12 for my meal for wine that I didn't drink.

Bag Lunch

Yesterday and today I have packed a bag lunch for myself! Woooooo! I'm hoping I can get into the habit of doing this so that I can save money and overeat less frequently. Even if I splurge slightly--good turkey from the deli, rolls instead of sliced bread--I still end up saving myself a good bit of money. And, on nasty, rainy days like today, it's pretty nice to not have to go out and find something to eat. I can instead sit in my office with the door closed and my shoes off and eat my little turkey sandwich.

Clean House

So, Operation: Keep the Dang Dining Room Table Clean is going quite well. I've even managed to extend some of the neatness to the living room and my bedroom! Maybe I can take some pictures soon! It will be pretty magical if I manage to get everything in my apartment clean at once because I don't think it has ever happened.

I was actually inspired by my brother and sister-in-law's place when I went to visit them. Somehow, they have a very tidy, well-cared-for apartment that feels welcoming and friendly. I think they're just consistent with it, and that's how it works out for them. But, I know my brother--he is a slob. He is also a hoarder. We are cut from the same cloth. So, I figure if he can do it, then I can do it.

I just want to get to the point where people stopping by unexpectedly is a pleasant surprise, and not grounds for panic. I think I'm getting there.

Heyguesswhatijustdid

2010-04-01T09:09:00.003-04:00

So, my alumni association gave us all "thirstystone" coasters before graduation. I keep mine on my desk (1) to remind myself that I did manage to graduate from law school and (2) because it's a single coaster. What am I going to do, keep it on my coffee table and make people share?

Anyway, I guess the desk plan is what they had in mind. I put my bowls of hot oatmeal on it (see previous post on fiber intake) and my coffee. And let's just say that it's developed something of a patina. I googled "how to clean thirstystone coasters," and thirstystone told me to clean it with cold water and "a few drops of mild detergent." So, naturally, I soaped the shit out of it. And now! It's practically good as new! It has returned to its original creamy color!

Have we ever discussed my overuse of cleansers? It's something of a problem. I think it's probably responsible for the rapid build up of soap scum in my shower, because a quarter-sized amount of shower gel on my bath pouf translates to a baseball-sized amount in my mind. Also, the counter top spray--I need about 12 paper towels to get it all up and get my counter top dry again. And the dish soap? I go through it like it's the water I'm also using the wash the dishes. That was a good analogy.

Bye!

One Day I'll Breathe through my Nose Again!

2010-03-31T12:33:00.003-04:00

So, yesterday I stayed home from work. I left work on Monday sneezing my head off and desperate to get into bed and slip into a Benadryl coma. So, I did. I slept for a couple of hours, which was apparently the worst idea I've ever had, because then I woke up ready to face another day! At 7 p.m. So, yeah, I was still awake at 3 a.m., which made waking up the next morning even more miserable than it would have been if I were just still congested, sneezy, and sinus pressure-y.

So, right! I stayed home! I did a whole bunch of laundry, which made me feel good about taking advantage of my convalescence to get something worthwhile done. And I made creamed spinach. It came out OK. I think I got a little carried away with the "creamed" aspect of it. Oh, and I did some dishes!

And I watched a documentary on meth, "The Witches of Eastwick," and "The Ugly Truth." Those are some of the things I had on my Netflix-on-Demand queue. Is it weird that I feel like I've accomplished something when I can delete something off of my queue? All three of them get three stars.

Tonight I am going to a craft workshop, and then hopefully to bed before 10, because I'm still feeling kind of under the weather and I'd like to get some sleep before I go home this weekend.

Yes! Home! I can't wait. I'm excited because the weekend is pretty much wide open, except for on Easter Sunday, when we have family plans. Word.

Super Fiber Intake!

2010-03-29T15:07:00.002-04:00

So, because I tend to make whole meals out of pita chips, I'm trying to pay attention to what goes into my body otherwise. Basically, I've cut a deal with myself, whereby I get to have one meal per day made entirely of pita chips/microwave popcorn/buttered spaghetti, but everything else has to have some value.

I find that the easiest thing for me is getting enough fiber. Maybe it's that you can find fiber in things that are otherwise only mediocre-ly healthy, and I certainly eat plenty of those.

Anyway, I make instant oatmeal at work every morning. Good fiber! I also drink coffee (someone will have to tell me if this is actually a valid source of fiber). Also, I went to CVS today and they had "dried plums" on sale: 2 resealable containers for $5. Excellent fiber!

[I would be interested in a study comparing sales of "dried plums" to sales of prunes, and how the change in labeling affected the demographic of people buying them.]

So, I think that pretty much clears the rest of the day for eating hard boiled eggs.

To-do list for this evening:
- Stop sneezing FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST STOP SNEEZING (this duty belongs to Benadryl)
- Eat at least one of the vegetables I got from Costco
- Depending on whether Benadryl works its magic, make banana bread
- Finish folding laundry in living room and put away
- STREEEEEEEEEEEEETCH goal: bring Snuggie and bedspread to laundromat, wash and dry and put into space bag to store under bed.

I'll be sure to report back on how many of these things get accomplished.

Work accomplishment of the day: flow chart created in PowerPoint

Boo. Boo, I say.

2010-03-23T12:27:00.003-04:00

Guess who owes the IRS $1,000. Me. That's who. Me. $1,000. ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS.

It's all because of my second job at Retail Store and the measly withholding going on over there. Ugh. I am so upset because I was going to pay off my big credit card next month and it was like this huge weight that was going to be gone. And now, it'll probably be July before I make the last payment. Now that I have to pay ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS to the government.

It's not all Federal, true, but I would pay Virginia $300 and complain only minimally (I suspected I might owe some taxes this year). But this is a huge amount of money for me! I don't make $1k in two months at Retail Store! So sad.

Anyway, I have a lot to do in the next few days, even aside from all of the fretting I have penciled in on my schedule, so I'd better hop to it.

Art

2010-03-17T10:21:00.004-04:00

i there! Oh, yes, the weekend to-do list. Wellllllllll...I did manage to cross off "arts & crafts"! I have started carving stamps. I'm going to try to remember to take some pictures so you can see them. I've been finding good line drawings (embroidery patterns make excellent stamp templates) and tracing them onto the stamp-carving medium. It's working out pretty well.

Otherwise, I don't have much to report.

I was at my book club meeting last night and, as we are nearing the end of this book, someone suggested another one. Then I suggested a book for after that one, and she looked really offended. It was kind of weird, like maybe she thought I was trying to bash her idea? I'm not sure what was going on there. I feel like maybe there was some other weirdness because she sent me a facebook invitation to an event that I probably won't make it to, but I haven't RSVP'd yet because I was waiting to see what my schedule looked like.

Does this happen to other people? I know I'm extraordinarily bad at maintaining social graces--I don't think I've ever promptly returned a phone call in my life--but maybe other people do this as well? I don't think I'm alone, because my sister didn't even put RSVP information on her wedding invitations, knowing that no one was going to RSVP. That's just the way things work in New Orleans. Yeah! It's New Orleans' fault that I am socially ungraceful!

She's No Bob Woodward

2010-03-11T09:47:00.004-05:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, she looks like an investigative journalist. Most hard-hitting journalists I know wear halter tops to do live TV reporting.

Update on the dining room table: it is clear! I have placemats on it now!! I actually cleared everything off of it and put that stuff away, then wiped the table down. I was able to put out some placemats I've been storing in the closet for a few months! Hooray!

Update on the back pain: I took a bunch of stuff out of my purse yesterday to lighten the load, and spent the evening cleaning and straightening rather than sitting in my favorite chair. I took some ibuprofen right before bed (which I had been doing, with no result) and I had a peaceful night. I did sleep poorly, but at least it wasn't because of back pain.

I think I need to revamp my bedroom and gear it towards restfulness. Step one could be cleaning my room so that there's no clutter, and I can look around me before bed and see tidiness and calm. Step two could be to move the cable modem and router to under my bed so there are no intermittently flashing lights in my room. Step three is probably to find a louder fan to block out some of the worse noise coming from my upstairs neighbors. OK, those all seem like good things to work on this weekend.

I made a to-do list yesterday on the metro ride home and managed to cross off several things, so I'm feeling pretty good about continuing with the to-do list thing. Some items for this weekend:

Complete at least three loads of laundry (that means washing, drying, folding/hanging up, and putting away)
Revamping my sleep space
Arts & Crafts

Whoops! How'd that get on there? Well, it's on the list, so I'd better get it done so I can check it off.

Mid-Year Resolution

2010-03-10T14:31:00.002-05:00

Yes, I know I posted like 3 hours ago. I had an epiphany. OK, not an epiphany. I was reading some "Member Lifesavers" over on workitmom.com and one of them was someone's New Year's resolution to keep her kitchen island free of clutter.

Well, it doesn't translate directly because my whole kitchen is roughly the size of most people's kitchen islands, but I would like to keep my dining room table (also used as a dumping ground, craft space, and food prep area) free of clutter. Starting today and lasting until the end of 2010 (and hopefully beyond that). I will get control of that space.

Also, what was that you said about "why are you going to workitmom.com when you have no children?" I like to think it's because I am constantly behind, and listening to the stories of women who have children to care for as well as themselves makes me feel better. Maybe even vice versa? I mean, I live alone and I can't stay on top of my laundry and dishes. How can they expect to when they're also caring for children?

The Good and the Bad

2010-03-10T10:25:00.004-05:00

Good: The Commish is now available on Netflix on Demand! I love the Commish! I haven't seen it in about 15 years, so I wonder how it will hold up.

Bad: Yesterday I put on an outfit I hadn't worn in a while (grey skirt, green top) and when I got to work, I realized I looked terrible! There was absolutely nothing attractive about that outfit, but...

Good: I think the reason it looked so bad is because it was TOO BIG. I noticed my coat buttons more easily now, and I think perhaps I am losing weight because...

Good and Bad: I gave up desserts and fast food for Lent. Oy, there have been times when it has been super hard. But, I keep telling myself it's not for very long, and it's really two things I should have done a long time ago. Instead of eating steak McSkillet burritos every morning, I'm eating oatmeal. Instead of getting Taco Bell before (and maybe after, too) work on the weekends, I'm eating things from home, like scrambled eggs and leftovers.

Good: My outfit today is much cuter than my outfit yesterday, and I feel more confident in it.

Bad: I've been having some pretty severe back pain lately, mostly in the middle of the night. I think there are probably several factors contributing to it, but most notably the weight of my purse and the chair I sit slumped in to watch TV. Since I should really be folding laundry and tidying my living room while watching TV, I guess I'll try to make that minor change first. The thing is, I could definitely use a smaller purse. I carry a Coach (fancy lady alert!) messenger bag, which is beautiful, but very, very heavy when empty. And I load it up with my wallet (which probably weighs 10 pounds on its own), various accoutrements, and reading material. I need to work out a better system. One that does NOT involve a rolling bag, as those things are hell to take on the Metro.

Good: I didn't bring my lunch today, but I'm thinking it might be a good day for microwave popcorn and a jaunt outside to buy a piece of fruit.

Services I Love

2010-03-05T12:03:00.004-05:00

Well, I just inadvertantly deleted my whole post, so I'll start over. Why, when I cut, did I not just copy and then paste. What a dummy.

So, with my rather wordy rant against Comcast in the Olympics post comments, I thought I should offer a refreshing look at some companies whose services I enjoy and use regularly.

Netflix-on-Demand. Holy Lord, do I love this. For starters, no one need know how many times I watch Confessions of a Shopaholic* because there's no return trip to the video store. (Do people still call them video stores?) Also, they have every available season of every Law & Order available for me to watch whenever! And, because I bought a little adapter for my laptop, I can hook up my laptop to my TV and watch things on my big TV screen, from the comfort of my sofa, or I can watch movies in bed. I'll leave it to you to figure out which occurs more often.
Bank of America's "My Portfolio" service. Do you have Bank of America? Do you use this? It's pretty fun. OK, once you get past the front page showing your depressing low net worth, scoot over to the budgeting and reports section. It's like a wonderland of nerd-dom! You can figure out where all your money goes using adorable multi-colored pie charts. Oh, man, I love pie charts. It's not perfect or anything, but you could easily wile away an hour or so flipping between the different breakdowns. AND you can set budget limits. Unfortunately, when you spend past your budget, Bank of America doesn't like text you to say, "no more restaurants this month, Buttercup. We mean it." So, I guess it's kind of up to you to sort it out.

Oh, on this pie chart, I have cropped the actual dollar figures because I didn't want anyone to have a heart attack when they see how much I'm repaying in student loans every month. Every month. For the next 25, nay, 24 years of my life. My, how time does fly! Also, this isn't really an accurate picture because (a) my rent check isn't reflected here (and I could have sworn I paid the rent this month...no matter) and (b) I went to the grocery and bought expensive things nearly every day of snowmaggedon, so it's reflecting a bigger piece of the pie than groceries usually get.

I guess here is where I say that both of these companies could give a crap that I'm promoting their services. Neither knows I exist, but for the presence of my account number on their rolls of "people from whom to extract money."

*I published once and then realized I forgot to put in the footnote about Confessions of a Shopaholic. I wasn't wowed by this movie, but I doubt anyone was completely blown away. I did enjoy it, though, and it's a reasonable stand-in for many other similar movies that I would watch again and again without having to rent it every time (10 Things I Hate About You, anyone? Anyone?). Also, I have no more room to store DVDs, so purchasing is out of the question.

Boston!

2010-03-02T12:08:00.002-05:00

Hooray for Boston!

I just got back from my long-planned trip to Boston with my Ex-Darlin'. And. it. was. fantastic.

I was just looking back through my calendar for the past couple of years and I haven't had an actual vacation in a long, long time. Possibly since...2007? Every spare moment of vacation time I've had has been used to go visit my family in New Orleans, or to have family come visit me. I haven't done anything that was entirely vacation-y in such a long time, I forgot how freakin' awesome it is.

And I loved Boston! It was so lovely! Such a beautiful mix of historic and modern.

Here are the things I did/saw:

Newbury Street in Back Bay, Boston Common, Fenway Park, lunch at the Cask and Flagon, the Freedom Trail, Little Italy (North End), Chinatown, Cheers, swimming in the hotel pool (I was unbelievably excited about this), dinner at Summer Shack, lunch in North End, the USS Constitution, Bunker Hill, and the best freakin' cannoli I've ever tasted from Mike's Pastry.

Maybe I'll upload some pictures. I forgot my digital camera, so I bought a little disposable from CVS. We'll see how it went. I kept forgetting that they don't work quite as well as the digital in terms of taking pictures in low light. I don't know if any of them will come out.

Everyone we met was fantastically nice, too! People stopped us on the street to give us directions.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll go back, if only for the cannoli. Because, seriously--I am considering moving to Boston for that reason alone.

A Fall of Olympic Proportions

2010-02-19T09:36:00.002-05:00

Can you believe I hadn't watched a single moment of the Olympics until this morning, when I watched several minutes of video on the NBC website? Turns out there was some pretty exciting stuff going on there.

I watched the men's figure skating videos for Plushenko and Lysacek. Basically, I was like, "meh, that doesn't look so hard. I could probably do that." Plus, I though their landings looked kind of sloppy. This is the Olympics, gentlemen! Stick those landings!

But, oh! Then I watched the, um, bloopers(?) video with all of the falls and spills, and people crashing into gates on the slalom ski slope, slamming into the boards in hockey games, coming out of triple lutzes to land on their butts, and I thought, "oh, maybe this is kind of hard." So, yeah, if you need some perspective on the actual difficulty of the tasks they set out to do, maybe your best bet is to watch the best athletes in their respective countries fall magnificently.

ALSO. How mad would you be if your skating doubles partner fell on the ice, and ruined your chances for a medal? What about the guy you're speed skating AGAINST who trips and crashes into you? I can't imagine how disappointing that must be.

In unrelated news, snowmaggedon prevented me from leaving DC at all to go home for the Super Bowl, so I watched the Saints win at my apartment, by myself. Talk about lacking a party atmosphere. It did give me three days off of work, but had I my druthers, I would have gone home.

There's No Business Like Snow Business

2010-02-05T12:40:00.002-05:00

If you're from anywhere north of the Mason-Dixon line (and really, even if you're not), you're probably pretty baffled by the PANIC that is stirring in the nation's capitol. It. Is. Crazy. We're expecting 16 - 23" of snow. Yeah, that's pretty serious. But people are losing it.

Last night, I got off work from Retail Store and decided to hit the grocery before I go home. I figured I might want some cookie dough, cereal, or Tyson's breaded chicken patties (shut up) during my impending snow house arrest. So, yeah. Grocery. 10 p.m. ELEVENTY BILLION PEOPLE. There was no meat! NO. MEAT. People had cleared the shelves! The cooler where the beef usually sits was completely bare. It was like shopping in Soviet Russia. Or at least, how I imagine it was to shop in Soviet Russia. I stood in the express lane for 45 minutes with my 7 items. Every lane was open and the lines stretched to the back of the store. Literally, there were people standing about 8 feet from the back wall of the store, waiting in line to be rung up.

So, people are a little panicky.

I was supposed to fly home to New Orleans Saturday morning, to take in some Mardi Gras action, visit my family, and watch the Superbowl with people who were interested in the outcome. But my flight has been canceled, so I'm going to fly out on Sunday morning. This is not optimal. I am coming back to DC on Monday, so my trip will only be about 24 hours long. Still, I was so excited about this trip, and I won't really have a good opportunity to visit again for the next couple of months, so I really want to go down there.

Growing up, I saw a lot of panic surrounding hurricane preparations: people would flock to grocery stores and Home Depot, scooping up all the bottled water/candles/flashlights/plywood that they could carry. It's kind of strange that, in a situation where the biggest threat is that you'll have to stay in your dry, warm house, people are just as capable of creating chaos.

And now, some very important advice on how to handle snowmaggedon: http://snowpocalypsedc.com/

Why I'll Never Be on a Game Show

2010-02-02T09:09:00.006-05:00

This morning, from my strategic position on the Metro, I saw a sign someone had posted in their office window. Each letter was printed on a separate sheet of copier paper and was taped facing outward, presumably for the pleasure of passing Metro passengers. The message was, "Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day." How charming.

Anyway, the way the sign was put together made me think of Wheel of Fortune. And that made me think that it would be a little hilarious if you guessed every puzzle as "Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day, Pat."

Really, any bizarre answer with no real relation to the puzzle clues would work. Another option: guessing something very close to the answer, but not right. Like, if the puzzle looks like this:

"G_ne _ith the _ind"

You guess "Scarlett O'Hara." Maybe this is only funny to me.

Well, for your trouble, here's a picture of a baby animal. Cute, right?

In a weird, blurgh mood

2010-01-27T19:27:00.002-05:00

I would like to have a redo of the past couple of days. I've made some bad decisions and said some stupid things that I wish I could take back.

Yesterday, someone outside of my department came by and asked me a question that I should know the answer to. I said, "well, this company doesn't do X." Then, I handed him a report that said, "This company does X." See, I am right, because they don't really do X, they just say they do. But, from what he was asking, I sounded like a total idiot and I felt like a complete fraud. Ugh.

Then, I had to borrow money from someone I shouldn't be borrowing money from (don't worry, it's not a loan shark or anything) and, while now I'm not worried about bouncing a check, I am worried about relying on this person beyond what our relationship really can handle. Blurgh, blurgh, blurgh.

In the interest of trying to leave work at work and relax on my last night off before 5 straight nights at my second job, I am watching Golden Girls. The wallpaper in Rose's bedroom is uh-mazing. I want it in my bedroom right now. Maybe my dining room? Anyway, it's fantastic. I did some Google-image-searching, but to no avail. It's divine. I'll have to figure out a way to do a screen shot or something.

I don't know, guys. I really just want to zone out and not focus on anything and try not to think about this. But I just keep coming back to it and feeling kind of nauseated.

Tights Review

2010-01-26T09:48:00.002-05:00

I know you come here for insightful social commentary, so that is what I aim to deliver. Obviously, this includes a review of discount tights. Considering that I need a size most tights manufacturers consider "too big to wear tights," I am fairly limited in my selection.

I wear skirts to work pretty much every day. I have maybe two pairs of acceptable work pants and they've been in the dry cleaning pile for the past oh, let's say year. So, I wear pantyhose or tights almost every work day. Here's my take on them:

Spanx tights (bought on sale at TJ Maxx, because holy hell are they expensive) -- they're really, really good. They stand up to anything, fit well without weird color variations, and are pretty comfortable in spite of being control-top. They are pretty expensive, though--on sale at TJ Maxx they were still $14.99. And I had the unfortunate experience of a pair running the first time I wore them, which is weird because I've had another pair for over a year with no visible wear.
Target tights -- Merona makes some pretty boss colors and patterns. I have some gray, purple, teal, and fuchsia, as well as some nice chevron-patterned and argyle tights. The solid colors last a good long time (going on three successful Winter seasons), but the patterns tend to run like crazy. At $7 a pop, this isn't something I want to have to rebuy every week, so I'm pretty cautious with them.
Wal*Mart tights -- I just bought my first pairs last week and I'm wearing a pair for the first time today. So far, so good. I can't really vouch for their ability to stand up to multiple washings, but I like the look of them. They are, I believe, "George" brand and they were only $5 each. I am wearing brown ones right now. I don't think they are control top (which I didn't really want anyway) although they claim to be, and they are pretty comfortable. There's no "gap." In some leg coverings, there's more space than is comfortable in the fit, which makes me feel like I'm waddling. The Wal*Mart tights mercifully fit closely.

The ultimate verdict is that I wish Wal*Mart tights came in more festive colors, because I like brightly-colored tights, but don't necessarily need mustard-colored tights to last for 10 years. So, I wouldn't mind spending $5 and knowing that they'll probably only be good until March. That's about what I pay for pantyhose, and I put my thumb through those pretty much every time I put on a pair.

I'd also really, really like to get a whole boat load of bright colors from We Love Colors, but $15 each?! I can't justify that for tights I could only wear with one or two outfits.

Tights, tights, tights. Wasn't this exciting?

Metro Opens Doors

2010-01-21T21:21:00.002-05:00

So, this post might be kind of weird and insensitive. I would be interested if anyone has any feedback on this situation, knowing that there is no way a confrontation would ever arise out of this. And now, on with the show!

There is a lady who lives in my neighborhood (presumably) and we frequently ride the bus together. She has difficulty walking (for reasons that are certainly none of my business) and uses a cane to get around. It is obviously labor-intensive for her to board the bus. We'll call her Maude.

The seats near the front of the bus, which face the aisle rather than the driver (got that?), are supposedly reserved for older people and people with disabilities (like Maude). If I am sitting in an aisle-facing seat and Maude gets on the bus, I will move to a front-facing seat or stand if necessary. I want these seats to be available to her. Not everyone does this. Maybe it's not as obvious to other people that she has difficulty climbing the three steps onto the bus? Maybe the signs stating the seats' reserved status aren't obvious to everyone else? Regardless, she often gets on the bus to find that that prime real estate is packed with able-bodied people.

OK. Here is where I state that anyone is completely within their rights at any time to ask someone to move their jacket/bag/feet(!) off of an otherwise available seat. Or to tell someone they're not feeling well, or that they get carsick, or that they're pregnant (bonus points for visibly pregnant), and ask for a seat to be vacated BY A PERSON SITTING THERE. Seriously. I was suffering from a sports injury* a while back, and asked a few people if they would mind giving up their seats because it was difficult for me to stand with the bus jostling so much. Everyone I asked complied.

Back to Maude. As stated, I vacate when I see her coming. I don't want her to have to shuffle down the aisle toward the back of the bus, dragging her obviously heavy ENORMOUS satchel behind her. I don't care if she's faking it--she is COMMITTED to using that cane. Now, on more than one occasion, where my now-vacant seat is calling out to her, she has asked someone else to move so she can sit down.

She is not nice about this. She is not subtle about it. She HUFFS and SIGHS and there might be some moaning involved. My question is, what's the deal? There's a seat about 24 inches away from the seat she wants. Is this her way of standing up for the rights of people with disabilities? Does she want everyone sitting in those choice seats to know that they're usurping what is rightfully hers? It's kind of a strange ritual and one that makes me feel strangely unsympathetic toward her. After all, we're all just trying to ride the bus from point A to point B. Can't we all just get along?

Feel free to tell me I'm being completely insensitive, that I don't understand the plight of people with disabilities, that I used the wrong term somewhere, etc. Also, if you think I am bashing our era's Rosa Parks, let me know and I will attempt to objectively review the situation.

Still related--because I know you can't get enough talk about public transportation--I put in for a parking place at my job a little while ago. The drive to and from my office is really no big deal, and it's kind of nice to have my own private igloo of misanthropy to hide out in. Of course, I have to wait for someone to retire or die to get a parking place, but I put a reminder in my calendar for one year from the request date, and it's coming close! Now I'm a little sad. My commute costs are currently nothing. And I've come to (finally!) accept the realities of using public transportation. And the benefits of it--time to read, stare out the window, Maude-anthropology. I guess I could just turn the parking place down if they give it to me, but I don't love riding the bus that much.

*I fell down the stairs at a restaurant.

EEeeEEee!!!

2010-01-19T14:52:00.002-05:00

The new hobby! It's time to tell you about it!

So, through Swistle I found Postcrossing, which is my new "hobby." I was unsure of how it would turn out. I mean, the website makes it seem like (a) you get the address of a stranger in another country, (b) you send that person a postcard, and then (c) your name and address go to another random stranger who (d) sends you a postcard! Easy peasy, right?

Well, because I never really trust that things will work out the way the Internet says they will, I was shocked when my first postcard arrived in Germany!

So, now, apparently, I'll get a postcard from another country? This sounds amazing and I am super-excited. I can hardly wait!

In other news, I bought these templates from Paper Source and spent a big part of the weekend making envelopes out of the scads and scads of scrapbook paper I have. I have never really done any scrapbooking. I just like collecting the supplies and admiring them from time to time. I do, however, write notes to people pretty frequently, so having extra envelopes will be fantastic! What a great way to use up my surplus! Of course, this now means that I have to shop for more scrapbook paper to make more envelopes. Quel dommage.

Why I Consider Hiding under my Desk

2010-01-15T15:18:00.004-05:00

Can I just tell you that it makes me strangely uncomfortable when the cleaning people come through my office to empty the trash? I'm not really sure why that is, but I feel like I should be helping or something? I mean, granted, it's usually like an empty ketchup packet in my trash can, so it's no heavy lifting, but I still feel weird about it. Thus, I always try to escape to do something else when I hear them coming.

A New Year, A New...ish Me. Just Kidding, I'm Just the Same.

2010-01-15T10:49:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I feel guilty for swearing. This is a good thing. I need to act like a lady more. Also, I need to stop saying that I want to punch people in the throat. However true (and appropriate) it may be, it probably gives the impression that I am a violent person.

I made Smitten Kitchen's chocolate chip sour cream coffee cake on New Year's Eve (which was a quiet evening) and it called for a whole bag of chocolate chips, which was way too much. If I make it again (and I will, when more than three people will be eating it), I will definitely use only half that much. The chocolate chips compete with the other delightful flavors too much.

Last night! I made Smitten Kitchen's (man, I love her) black bean soup in my Crock Pot. I put it on to cook when I went to bed and completed the prep work when I woke up this morning--pureeing half of it in the blender. Then, because it was hot, and contains no perishable ingredients, I left it on the counter to cool while I am at work. I will have my first taste for lunch today! My usual black bean soup recipe is "put beans and whatever else is on hand in pot. Cook." So, I am eager to see if following this recipe (which was pretty easy) will have a profound and favorable effect on the flavor. I am hopeful. It did require two cooking vessels and a small appliance (pan in which to saute veggies pre-soup, Crock Pot, blender), so it had better look like being tasty or I will punch it in the throat.

I am going to dinner tonight in the city with my friend and her boyfriend and brother, and I need to go home between work and dinner to pick up my car, put away the soup, and wash the blender. I could also, oh, I don't know--PUT ON MAKEUP? CLEAN SPOT OF OATMEAL OFF OF DRESS? BRUSH HAIR? Yeah, my personal beauty standards for work are pretty lax.

Oh, I may not have to work this Sunday! This would delight me, even though I could use the money, because I really like just sitting at home sometimes and I have been making some progress with decluttering and would like to do a little more of it this weekend.

One of my projects at work today is to Google this woman we are going to be working with and come up with some cogent thoughts on how we should describe our upcoming project to her in a way that matches her philosophies and work styles. Is it weird that I'm really excited about this? She has written a lot of stuff about management, so I am mostly reading a bunch of articles by her and taking little notes. And, this takes precedence over everything else I am working on and HECK YES. I love putting other work on hold to Google things.

Also, I may have found a new hobby, but I won't tell you about it until I know how it is coming together and that will be in about 2 weeks! So, prepare to be excited!

Hey, It's October!

2009-10-01T09:26:00.002-04:00

Man, can you believe it's already October? I guess there are few things less interesting than people talking about how they can't believe how quickly time is passing. So, I'll move on. But, seriously--October!

I love fall! Growing up in Louisiana, I was seriously short-changed when it came to fall. We would have maybe seven days of beautiful, crisp, fall air and then it would be replaced by cold and rainy. This was in contrast to the rest of the year, which can be best characterized as hot and rainy. In leaving my apartment this week I have been particularly delighted by the chill in the air. I also have an adorable new cowl to wear that I got off of Etsy, so I am eagerly awaiting even chillier weather.

Also, something to note: as someone who does a great deal of reading long, tedious, government documents, I would like to say that the single greatest phrase in any of those documents is "This page intentionally left blank." Heck. Yes.

Baked Potato Outrage and the Ethics of Free Condiments

2009-09-30T13:04:00.005-04:00

Tragedy to end all tragedies--I went to Fuddrucker's no less than 30 minutes ago to get a baked potato. I was so excited about it. I've been on kind of a baked potato kick lately, mostly satisfying my cravings by going through the Wendy's drive-thru. (They're not great, but they are potato-y, and that's really all I'm after) So, in doing a little research, I discovered that Fuddrucker's sells baked potatoes, with bacon, cheese, etc. Only they don't. Yeah, not really. When I asked about a baked potato, I was met with blank stares. Fine. That's fine.

Anyway, I decided to make the best of it and get a burger and potato wedges. They have this "dress your own" principle in place there, which I rather enjoy. My burger goes like this: mayo, brown mustard, ketchup, lettuce, single slice of tomato, single ring of purple onion, and about five pounds of pickle slices. They even have that ever-so-delicious/revolting liquid cheese dispenser. So, I got one little container of liquid cheese for my fries. Then, as I was debating whether it was enough, it occurred to me to use the pico de gallo on the toppings bar to make a half-assed queso with the liquid cheese. My friends, I stand here today to tell you that I have had better queso, but not made from accoutrements on a toppings bar.

So, it came out quite good. I was pleased, in general. Now, here's the conundrum: I would like to make more toppings-bar queso some day in the future. And I know that it's a big no-no to just go into Fuddrucker's, not purchase anything, and fix myself a little plastic container of queso. What if, the next time I went in to get lunch, I just made an extra container of queso and kept it in my fridge? Does that violate the ethics of condiment offerings?

Here's another--the place near my office that has good fries doesn't have ketchup. I did once (gulp) just walk into McDonald's and grab some ketchup to eat with the fries purchased elsewhere. I still feel guilty about this. But what if I grabbed a handful of packets the next time I got some McDonald's (far too frequent), knowing I wasn't going to use them for that meal? I just don't know. I mean, I wouldn't walk into a regular restaurant, grab a glass of water, drink it, and walk out. Where do I draw the line?

More Music

2009-09-28T12:24:00.004-04:00

Recently, I created a new station on Pandora radio (I feel like I talk about this every other post) based on the Pet Shop Boys. I came to like them after I saw them in concert in Detroit in...2006? That seems about right. So I am definitely a fan-come-lately. The concert was outstanding, even for someone like me, who wasn't familiar with any of their music. The big finale, though, was their mix of "Where the Streets Have No Names/Can't Take My Eyes Off of You." Truly fantastic. And I think that cover at left shows how fantastically weird they are otherwise.

Oh, right, the Pandora station. Well, in addition to this, it also plays tons of Depeche Mode and other, weird New Wave. Some pleasant surprises in the category of bleepy, bloopy, dancy music: Basement Jaxx and the Scissor Sisters. I am a fan of the Scissor Sisters in general (although my lack of knowledge as to whether to include the definite article in front of their name probably shows how bad a fan I am), but I become particularly delighted when hearing their songs outside of the context of my iPod. It makes me feel like they are probably not counting on my lukewarm support to make their livings. Thank God. Basement Jaxx are new to me, and I really like them. Perhaps some downloading is on the way.

In other news, I helped my ex-Darlin' move over the weekend and I feel like every muscle in my body is sore. This has renewed my dedication to giving things away to charity every month. I not only helped him move, but I also helped him pack. Those of you who have moved lately probably know that it's the worst thing ever. There's just so much stuff. Every time you think you've reached the end, you realize that you haven't (a) cleaned out the hall closet, (b) cleaned out the refrigerator, (c) taken down the curtains and curtain rods, or (d) all of the above. And he has things that are still in boxes since moving to Virginia from Michigan two years ago, and he probably moved things here from Michigan that he packed up in St. Louis three years before that. It's just all so much.

So, he's moving from a one bedroom into a studio, which means some downsizing. We have already made several runs to Goodwill and will probably make several more. Currently, he's struggling with the dilemma: should I just get rid of everything that doesn't fit into the storage available to me in my new place, or should I construct something to hold all of the stuff that doesn't fit? I think he's leaning toward constructing; I'm leaning toward PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST GET RID OF IT BECAUSE I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU IF I MOVE THIS STUFF AGAIN IN TWO YEARS. The end.

The World Has Had Enough of Silly Love Songs

2009-09-17T11:24:00.002-04:00

Or is the world not enough? No matter.

This, my friend, is a placeholder post. I have a link to my blog here in my favorites and I just skipped over it completely every day for five months. Now I am trying to get in the habit of clicking on the link again. And, after clicking, of posting something, inane though it may be.

I have been all about making lists lately--lists of Christmas presents to buy, chores to do, groceries I need, things I want to do to my apartment, etc. This afternoon will probably see me making a list of things I have to spend a lot of money on in the coming months.

Oh, what the heck. Here it is:

wedding gift for friends in October
Christmas presents for what seems like everyone I have ever met
trip home -- while this doesn't actually cost me that much money (maybe $150 in gas) (OK, that is a lot of money to me), it does mean I won't be working at retail job for two different weekends, which will cut down the size of my paycheck
trip to Boston in February

That list seems awfully short. Why am I so stressed about money? Weird. I'm sure there's more stuff that belongs on there. I will revisit it later.

So, yeah, nothing new. Just being stressed out about money and time.

Hey, speaking of nothing related! I went to a meeting yesterday where I got a time-sensitive visitor's pass (like the ones pictured here). I stuck it to my monitor at my desk so I could see if it changed color as obviously as they allege. Verdict--not quite as glaring as I would hope, but I suppose if my job were to check everyone's badge and make sure it wasn't covered in purple lines, it would do the trick.

What's that? This was a boring post. Yes, yes it was. I can't be perfect every time out. I'm not Ozzie Osbourne.

Save the Drama for Your Wife and Kids.

2009-09-15T08:26:00.005-04:00

So, apparently some people around me at work are engaged in a pitched battle that is invisible to the naked eye. One of these people, who seems to believe that we are "friends," keeps taking shots at the other in my presence: asking about whether that person is doing their job properly and whether they're up to the task of supervising the people under them. Honestly, I have no idea and being asked makes me uncomfortable. I can't really figure out what the point is, as I have no power here and no one would benefit from my loyalty. I can only assume that some sort of power play is in the works and when it goes down, the asker intends to have me on their side. News flash--I'm here because I like my job and I have bills to pay. I am not interested in power plays and I'm certainly not on the side of someone who goes out of their way to take digs at their co-workers. I am interested in getting my paycheck on time, producing the things expected of me, and being able to go on vacation from time to time. That is all. Generally, I don't care. Do not care. Don't get me caught up in your foolishness.

In more news...recently, one of my friends, who we'll call Abigail, told me that another friend, who we'll call Zoë, reported that a third friend, who we'll call Peter, was talking about Abigail. Hold on, let's review: Zoë told Abigail that Peter was talking about Abigail. Clear? OK. I hope I can keep these names right. Anyway, the three work together and are friendly. I understand, though, that sometimes your co-workers tick you off and you have to vent to someone. So, OK--Peter tells Zoë that Abigail didn't do something right at work? Or that she is driving him crazy? Cool. Why would Zoë ever tell Abigail that? Abigial seems to be of the impression that Zoë likes to create drama in people's lives, which is probably true.

I wonder, though, what good Zoë thought would come from her telling Abigail about it. If it was something personal that Peter said about her, then (were I in that position) I would have spoken up and defended Abigail, because she's my friend. And I probably wouldn't have told her unless it was really serious. Because only hurt feelings can arise from this, and it will only cause tension in Abigail and Peter's relationship. Regardless of what was said, what good could have come from this? They still have to work together. What makes this more suspect is that Zoë won't tell Abigail what Peter said, only that he was talking about her. This whole thing smacks of high school and makes me a little angry at Zoë and a little sad for Abigail. As far as Peter is concerned, he's not the type to say actual negative things about one of his friends or co-workers to another co-worker. Maybe venting, but not a snide personal remark. And, frankly, definitely not to Zoë.

Oh, and why Dwight? Because all of this reminds me of his attempts to be disloyal to Michael. And remember the alliance with Jim? Yeah.

A Little of This, a Little of That

2009-09-11T11:47:00.004-04:00

So, I know what you're thinking--"where have you been?" Or, "oh, I didn't even notice you hadn't posted in the past five months. I have other things going on in my life." You're rude, OK? Don't pretend to be all nice and then say things like that.

I threw a bridal shower for a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago and I'm so relieved it's over. My friend is...shall we say high-maintenance? Yes, that is a good way to put it. So I figured anything I did wouldn't be good enough and certainly wouldn't be what she would want, which is a posh blow-out at a fancy restaurant. My apartment is many things, but it is neither posh nor fancy. She was very appreciative and pleasant, though, so I think perhaps I should try to table some of my resentment over doing something I didn't really mind doing, for someone who actually appreciated it.

Was that a weirdly worded and weirdly wordy paragraph? Yes, I believe it was.

In other news, my friend Laura is getting married in December. It is the antithesis of the wedding the shower recipient is having. Whereas Bride A is going all out, Laura is planning to get her flowers from Sam's Club and just put them wherever. I think it's going to be fun. It'll certainly be like no wedding I've ever been to before. We're all going to make a dish to bring to her Dad's house for the wedding. The wedding, weather permitting, will be in his backyard.

I did my semi-monthly desk clean-off ritual yesterday and discovered about 3 loaves' worth of bread crumbs hidden under a stack of papers. I swear, if this office building is ever infiltrated by ants, my office will be the first that is overrun.

And, lastly but certainly foremost on my mind, my Darlin' and I have broken up. It happened in July and I'm still having a hard time with it. We were together for almost four years. And I was so sure we were set for life. It's kind of embarrassing to think about how easily I let myself ignore all the signs that he wasn't going to marry me. And he's started seeing someone else. I knew he would, eventually, but did it have to be a month after we broke up? Ugh.

Anyway, I've been trying to distract myself with some quality Etsy shopping today at work, but I have just been feeling sick about it all day. I was actually doing pretty well with it--we were still hanging out, grabbing dinner together sometimes, talking and exchanging e-mails, and now I'm starting to feel all that rejection and pain that I felt when it first happened. That's enough of this talk. This is hard.

Dear Netflix, What is Wrong with You?

2009-04-16T15:58:00.003-04:00

I have mixed feelings about Netflix. On the one hand, I am terrible at returning things on time (just ask the law school that is still withholding my diploma because of unpaid library fines [whatever, they can keep it]). On the other hand, I don't want to patronize a company that is single-handedly responsible for 99% of all annoying pop-up ads on the internet. But, they do have several versions of Hamlet on hand, meaning I can keep with my lifelong resolution to avoid Kenneth Branagh. So, whatever. I signed up for it again.

I had completely forgotten that one of the funnest things about Netflix is rating movies and seeing the weird things they recommend based on your ratings. Here are two problems with this system:

1.) (and the reason for the title of this post) Netflix seems incapable of understanding that, if you aren't interested in season six of Doctor Who, you're not going to be interested in seasons one through five, nor seven through ninety. I cannot tell you how many George Carlin and Carlos Mencia stand-up DVDs I have labeled as uninteresting to me, only to have to do the same with all remaining stand-up acts by those two (un-funny) people. What is wrong with you, Netflix, that you think I will want to watch season 17 of The Twilight Zone, when I didn't want to watch any of the other 25 you've submitted for my approval!? Huh!?

2.) This is completely my fault, but I've been rating things based on how I felt about them at the time I first watched them. For example, Pocahontas got a great review! Then I realized that I don't really want to get a bunch of cartoons to watch or even to rate. Now I am thinking I should only rate things I've seen in the past 5 years. But that limits me to only about 30 movies! Ah, well.

At least we know that all Patrick Swayze films are getting a good review.

Pestle 1, Mortar 0

2009-04-15T14:43:00.007-04:00

I was making this Smitten Kitchen recipe the other night, for cauliflower and Brussels sprouts in some kind of sauce (I know that's not a good description. Lay off me.) and part of the instructions involved "pounding garlic with sea salt into a paste, using a mortar and pestle." Or was it "using a mortar and a pestle?" I don't remember. Not important.

Hold up! It turns out I am confusing the two pieces here. The bowl-like thing is the mortar!? And the stick thingy is a pestle!? Well, whatever. Pretend that that's true.

So, I start pounding the heck out of the garlic and I pound right through the mortar. So, yeah. I had to finish pounding the garlic in a bowl with the little pounding implement. I wanted to give you a picture and a confirmation that those are indeed the tools as I labeled them, but it's not working out for me. Anyway, I was pretty disappointed because I had been excited about my mortar and pestle ownership for the past few months and now it is to be no more.

Oh, right, the recipe -- it was intended to help me branch out of my broccoli rut by trying to cook and eat and like more vegetable varieties. I think I can add Brussels sprouts and cauliflower to things I will eat under some circumstances! I'm really growing as a person.

I may not be able to show you my tools, but I can show you the awesome Brussels sprouts stalk! I saw a stalk like this in a grocery store in Michigan a few years ago and was super excited. Now you can be, too! Look how pretty!

Lobster Gram!

2009-04-06T14:46:00.001-04:00

My de facto mother-in-law is coming into town for a visit and will be staying with my boyfriend for the week. We spent about 6 hours yesterday cleaning the apartment, shoving things into drawers and closets, vacuuming the dingy-looking rugs, and scrubbing all scrub-able surfaces. I'm not sure that the apartment looks even close to what a neat person would consider clean, but at least it's tidier and there isn't a big stack of dishes in the sink. Anyway, this flurry of activity lead my darlin' to the most poignant statement on adulthood I've heard lately, which is this: I guess being an adult means you feel that you have to clean before your mom comes to visit. So true, my dear, so true.

In other news, I have never had a credit card that offered any real rewards before. So, when I'm playing around with my new special credit card, I'm delighted that there are little things I can get just for using it. I'm really drawn to the gift cards, because there are few things I like to do more than shop. And, though I think getting a gift card for Retail Store would be a good idea (after all, the discount helps my money go further there), I'm kind of torn. On the one hand, there is all the good and useful stuff that I could get at Retail Store. On the other hand, there's something called "Lobster Gram."

Now, I don't eat lobster. It's in that category of things that I will not eat (see my previous entry on things I have tried to like). But there's just something so awesome about getting a Lobster Gram! It makes me think of that man-eating shark sketch on Saturday Night Live (which I’ve never actually seen), where the shark would knock on someone’s door and say, “telegram” or something like that. Anyway, wouldn’t you have definitely answered the door if the shark had said, “Lobster Gram!” I think you would.

I am Appalled. Appalled, I tell you.

2009-04-01T17:07:00.003-04:00

Did you know that "Diet" Orange Crush actually has 25 calories per serving? And contains high fructose corn syrup? I AM OUTRAGED. OK, maybe outraged is a bit too strong, but I am pretty annoyed. I guess you can chalk it up to caveat emptor or something. But I really expect "diet" soft drinks to be sugar-free and no calorie. I didn't even know about this gross injustice until I happened to be studying the objects on my desk in a post-lunch stupor and read the words "low calorie" on the can. Anyway, I had bought a whole case of it last week, so I guess I'll just consume my 300 calories worth of "diet" orange soda and move on with my life. Shame to waste all that delicious oranginess.

I was going through the archives of this online diary-thingy that I like to read, looking for a reference to something (I can't remember now what that thing was). The journal writer mentioned Brahms' Hungarian Dance No. 5, which I then had to find for immediate listening (I'm such a sheep). Then I listened to it another 4 times. I don't generally go for classical music, because--at the risk of sounding like an imbecile--it's not focused enough for me to concentrate. I tend to get wrapped up in it and my mind starts to wander. I don't have this problem when I listen to T. Rex, I tell you what. Anyway, I recommend it.

Come and knock on our door...

2009-03-26T10:57:00.007-04:00

We've been waiting for you!

Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I was talking to my brother and he said, "man, I really hate John Ritter. I wish he would die." And then John Ritter did die? Seriously. Like the next week. I've always thought that was strange. Especially because John Ritter was not necessarily related to the conversation we were having. Except we were discussing people my brother hates (his old boss and John Ritter), so I suppose it was somewhat related.

Books I have read/am reading:

Jude the Obscure - I am reading this via dailylit.com, which I may have mentioned before because I love it so. Jude the Obscure, on the other hand, stirs up mixed feelings. On the one hand, I hate to put a book down and stop reading it (or stop opening my e-mails, in this case). On the other hand, I find Sue Bridehead unbelievably irritating. I just don't find her to be an endearing character in any way. At this point, I'm about halfway through the book. I'm hoping she and Jude either get their bone on or the story shifts away from these lackluster characters in the second half of the book. Because, really...this story is kind of lame. The best thing to come out of it so far is that I used Wikipedia to find out what a temperance hotel is (and now you can too!).

The Outsiders - I read this yesterday (it's short) and I thought it was a decent story. It brings on those same feelings as watching documentaries about gang violence or, for that matter, West Side Story. I just end up feeling so morose over the futility of it all. I had the same kind of reaction when I read Random Family last year--you want to reach out to the people involved and make them snap out of it. Introduce them to a different reality. Unfortunately, you don't really have that option with the fictional characters. And, really, with the real ones either. The thing about The Outsiders that resonated with me (and it wasn't really the writing, because it's written like the high school essay it's supposed to be) was that a book written in 1967 is just as relevant now. Change a few fashions, a few habits, a few cars, and you have a book that could be about 2007. In fact, I checked the copyright date twice, just to be sure it wasn't something from the 80s. OK, really my intention was to talk about the books and not the descent of Western Civilization, so I'll move on.

Right now, I'm working on my backlog of Martha Stewart Livings and Cook's Illustrateds so that I can file them away with a clean conscience. I know I've mentioned it before, but I can't wait for all of my free magazine subscriptions to expire so I don't feel compelled to hold on to the magazines I'm never going to read. I can go on with my life, forever ignoring National Geographic and Nylon and stick to the hausfrau publications I love. Man, wouldn't that be a great magazine? A combination National Geographic-Nylon? It could be pygmies wearing electric blue fishnets and waifs fishing with nets off the coast of Benin. Eh?

The Taste of Nostalgia

2009-03-04T11:13:00.007-05:00

So, my darlin' had put his foot down on Sunday regarding the purchase of delectable boxes of Girl Scout cookies. Fair enough. I mean, we're supposed to be on a diet, after all. But then I went to the grocery alone that night, and all was lost. OK, all was not lost. I bought 2 boxes (2!) of GS cookies (the tagalongs [tagalogs?] and the dulce de leche, if you must know). And I decided I would eat one of each, then bring the remainder to work.

I was so excited that I opened them in the car. And then...blah. They just weren't as good as I remember them being. Not even close. In fact, I didn't even finish my dulce de leche cookie. It just wasn't worth it. In fact, even the tagalogs (I've decided to call them this because I think it's a better name than "tagalongs.") were waxy and artificial tasting. They seemed preservative-laden and short on flavor. And those peanut butter patties are my favorite! I look forward to them all year. So, my question is: has my palate become more refined? I used to love these things--have my tastes changed in such a way that I now shy away from them? I also used to love Chips Ahoy! and Nutter Butters. Well, OK, I never really loved Nutter Butters. And I know I eat more fresh food now, so maybe I'm more sensitive to the flavors of stabilizing additives? I doubt it. I'm not a super taster or anything.

Here's my (conspiracy) theory: the quality of Girl Scout cookies has decreased, even as their price has increased. FACT: when I was a lass, GS cookies were $2.50/box. They are now $3.50/box. FACT: there are fewer cookies in each box than there were back in the 90s, when I was selling (pushing) cookies. THEORY: several cost-saving measures have been put into place, including those mentioned above, in order to increase the benefit to the Girl Scouts. Please note that I don't begrudge the scouts the paltry earnings they get from the sales. I think it's fantastic that this allows troops to go on camping trips and other excursions.

I was also thinking that maybe it was just becoming an adult and moving away from prepackaged sweets and snacks and maturing in my tastes, but adults go nuts for these cookies, too. I should also add that I had some Thin Mints last year and found them to be just as good as they always were. Thus ends my theories.

So, the real reason I'm put off by this? I would most certainly not spend $7 on prepackaged, grocery aisle cookies. I spent that much thinking that the quality of the GS cookies would make it worthwhile, but really...it wasn't. I feel ripped off.

Seriously, Lady.

2009-02-12T16:57:00.002-05:00

Why did you wait for me to start peeing to spark up a conversation in the bathroom? It wasn't an urgent conversation. Wait for me to finish. Sheesh.

Also, why is the font so huge on every Explorer page I open? I don't know things about computers.

Son of a...

2009-02-11T21:14:00.004-05:00

Man, I am so danged angry about all the stuff that I keep breaking. This time, in a truly heart-wrenching moment of fall and break-dom, I lost my poor sweet blackberry. He's there in the back on the right. So sweet, so shy. And now he's gone forever. ARGH. Man, I need a bigger kitchen. Or a better organizational model. Or something. This just isn't working.

In other news, I'm glad the hipster websites I visit can't see the lame-ass stuff I google, like "how do I turn off my iPod?" Seriously, I couldn't remember. And the battery was low. Seriously. I'm such a nerd.

A Day in the Life

2009-02-11T17:13:00.004-05:00

Just so you're completely up to date on the "broken and dropped in the kitchen" list, I also knocked over my beloved butter dish. I think the problem is that I have no counter space whatsoever, because every spare inch is covered in a small appliance: microwave, toaster oven, coffee maker, George Foreman (I know), KitchenAid mixer. What's a girl to do?

So, picture, if you will, the following scene (circumstances have been changed to protect the non-idiotic): you work for a small corporation. The CEO of said small corporation is retiring. You work on the 5th floor, the CEO's office is on the 14th floor. It's a small company--you've been in meetings together, you've made presentations to him, and you've seen him in the elevator (even greeted him with a cheery "Good morning, Sir!"). But he doesn't come to the 5th floor. Why would he? He's got the sweet penthouse digs, you work in a glorified broom closet. So, on his last day at the office, he goes on a farewell tour with 2 senior vice presidents who are also leaving the company. One senior VP steps into your office moments before the CEO and says, "you're next." You're not wearing shoes. You're listening to Bon Jovi on Pandora radio. Your dirty dish from lunch is front and center on your desk. There's a back log of 800 PowerPoint slides to be put away covering the entire counter behind you. Did I mention you're not wearing shoes? Yeah. Obviously, the proper response to the VP's warning is to say, "OH CRAP." Then you develop a BIZARRE FACIAL TIC. Seriously. I mean, that is what you do, right? I'm not the only person who reacts this way upon being met with these circumstances. Yeah, I know.

Religious Oppression

2009-01-29T14:40:00.009-05:00

Oh, you didn't think this was really going to be about religious oppression, did you? Well, OK, it is, in a way.

Did you know the ShamWOW guy is suing the Church of Scientology for being a bunch of a-holes? It's true. Well, that's not the official complaint or anything, but it seems that they did act pretty dick-ishly toward him. Even if he is a rather unsavory character. I totally need those towels, by the way. I definitely could have used something that could absorb Lake Michigan when I knocked over my full Brita pitcher last night in my 4' square kitchen. I don't always mind my tiny kitchen, but when there isn't even enough room in there to figure out where all the water has gone to, it's too small.

In addition to the Brita pitcher, I also knocked over a glass measuring cup I had gotten from IKEA (and loved dearly). It shattered into a trillion pieces all over my kitchen floor. Naturally, I was barefoot at the time and the broken glass was between me and the doorway out of the kitchen, so I was trapped. I had to clean it as best I could with damp paper towels. Then I crawled out of the kitchen, pushing the paper towels ahead of me to collect an loose shards. Anyway, this just goes to show I need to keep my kitchen cleaner and more organized. And I probably need to get rid of a couple dozen things, too.

Oh, right. Scientology. You know, I don't really know a lot about Scientology. It seems pretty messed up, though, because all you ever hear about it, besides the alien stuff, is how they are driving some man insane, brainwashing Katie Holmes, or stopping people from getting medical attention. I'd be curious to hear a case for Scientology, just to see how people get caught up in this stuff.

Oh, Those Crazy Popes!

2009-01-27T16:00:00.002-05:00

About once a day (more or less), I allow myself to get sidetracked from actual work and indulge in a little bit of aimless wandering around the internets. Now, this doesn't include visiting my little list of favorite blogs, reading web comics, or checking Zappo's to see what new pink shoes they're offering. I do that before lunch. No, I mean an adventure through something innocently looked up on Wikipedia and then the links followed from the article I originally looked up...and so on and so forth. Yesterday, it was a look into the relationship of Soon-Yi Previn and Woody Allen. Weird. Also weird that so many people have such strong feelings about this relationship (or, rather, they did back when it was News).

But today, my friends, it was Gang Tattoos! I started searching for an answer to my question: In what county is Alexandria, VA? And I discovered that (a) it's an independent city and (b) they have a burgeoning gang problem, in the form of MS-13. Since I didn't know what MS-13 was, I skipped to the Wikipedia article on MS-13. And then, to gangink.com! The most remarkable thing I discovered on this website was the sheer volume of gangs that call themselves "insane." Here is a list: Imperial Insane Vice Lords, Insane C-Notes, Insane Deuces, Insane Dragons, Insane Majestics, Insane Popes (north and south side), Insane Unknowns. Not to be confused with Conservative Vice Lords. Oh, the vice lords. They're quite conservative. Unlike the liberal vice lords, who are nearly insufferable with their flamboyant socialism.

Anyway, I would like to applaud the gang community of Chicago for confronting mental illness and forming these "gangs," which I assume are something like support groups. Bravo, lads. Also, what's with all the face tattoos? Isn't that a bit much? Just wunnerin.

Cue the Angelic Chorus!

2009-01-26T13:51:00.007-05:00

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness!!! To the left here, you will see a 16-piece Calphalon One Anodized set of pots and pans. The individual pieces of this little beauty retail for a total of $1,690. As a set, they are sold for $899.95. I picked one up Saturday that had been marked down to $150! Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. It's so lovely. It makes me feel like a fancy lady with a grown up kitchen. Instead of what I really am, which is a lady who would eat popcorn for 3 meals a day if there weren't intervening forces.

I brought it home Saturday night and my darlin' and I tore open the box (OK, more me than him) and started pulling all the pieces out. And they just kept coming! It was like a bottomless treasure chest of cookware. Truly, this was the highlight of the weekend.

Earlier that day, I had gone to look at bridesmaids dresses with my friend, Q. We only spent about 20 minutes looking, which left me wondering, how do you ever pick a dress? Going into bridal salons can be pretty overwhelming. If you don't already have an idea of what you want, you would probably never be able to make a decision. And then if you have already looked online, the things in the store can be disappointing. They never look as good as they did on the models, where they had make-up artists, lighting technicians, and set designers to bring the whole thing together. Anyway, I don't think Q is any closer to a decision now than she was when we went in there. And we'll probably end up taking a trip to the fifth circle of hell - David's Bridal - before this is all over. Blech.

On Sunday, in addition to other, more interesting things, my darlin' and I took 3 garbage bags of, well, garbage to Goodwill. Actually, I was reading on The Unclutterer that you shouldn't treat Goodwill (and other charities) like repositories for trash. If someone wouldn't want to buy it, then it belongs in the trash, not at a charity. And really, how charitable are you being if you're just bringing your trash there? Oh, right, back to the story...we went to bring the 3 bags of gently used men's clothing and books to Goodwill, where there was a line of about 12 luxury cars also waiting to drop-off donated goods. I had to laugh. And it made me think that there are probably some really good finds at that Goodwill...

Minnie the Moocher

2009-01-23T15:42:00.003-05:00

Do you know that song? It was just on when I zipped over to Starbucks for a cup of coffee. I like it. It reminds me of an old cartoon with dancing ghosts (something I saw when I was a kid, I guess) and The Blues Brothers. Good stuff. I think one of my favorite parts of that movie is when they're leading the cops on a high speed chase through a mall and Elwood is talking very calmly about the Pier One that just opened there.

So, I ordered some clothes yesterday and today from the internets. I've been complaining for about a year about how hard it is to be too poor to constantly buy new clothes. It's not that I constantly want to buy new clothes. Well, OK, it is. But it's more that I'm particularly hard on my clothes. I don't know what the deal is. I'm pretty sure it's my Hulk-like mannerisms that result in torn hems, popped buttons, and stains on every blessed thing I own. But there has to be something else to that. I don't know what it may be, but I refuse to believe it's just me. Maybe I need to buy clothes of a better quality.

Today I am wearing a red cardigan I bought from Old Navy when I was in college. I daresay it was 2003 when I purchased this sweater. And it's still going strong. How is it possible that this is one of the most durable items in my closet? Under neat that, I am wearing a white t-shirt thingy I bought at Target that is so stained up I'm embarrassed to acknowledge its existence. And yet this is what I wear to work. Good thing they don't let me out of the office much.

Oh, right, the new clothes. I purchased a few new shirts. Three of them are for my day job here. The other two are for my work at Retail Store, where I think they are probably getting tired of seeing me wear the exact same thing every time I work. The only outfit requirements are that I look nice and don't wear tennis shoes. And I bought a dress for my sister's rehearsal and the subsequent dinner. And a dress to wear to my day job. I'm a little nervous about both of them. What if they're too short? Too tight? Curse you, online shopping!

Does anyone know a good dry cleaner in the Alexandria/NoVA/DC area? The last cleaner I went to didn't actually clean my clothes. In fact, they didn't even pretend to clean my clothes by just pressing them and leaving them dirty. I'm pretty sure they just hung them on hangers and called it a day, then charged me $5/piece. Boo to that, dry cleaner.

Testing...

2009-01-16T10:52:00.003-05:00

I tried to upload some pictures and they came out insanely huge and weird and I don't know how to crop things or resize them and ok let's just do this.

Oh, weird. Uh, I guess that worked. I really like this picture of some birds. I found it on Print & Pattern, who found it elsewhere. Anyway, I like the print and I really like the color palette, but I can't seem to find a way to pull the colors from the color palette. I don't have any fancy photo editing software. I tried using Color Hunter, but the palette it gave me wasn't right. It was too red and there was no cream or pale orange, or even that slightly fuchsia color. Bah!

Twelve Degrees. Feels Like Negative Two Degrees.

2009-01-16T10:04:00.002-05:00

You may not know that I grew up in New Orleans, in the deep and dirty South. This had made me a lightweight in terms of how much cold I can handle. Then I moved to Michigan to go to school for a few years and my ability to withstand the cold improved exponentially. Then I moved to DC. Why does it feel so much colder here than it did in Michigan? I keep talking to people about this. I think it has to do with the moisture in the air. No one seems to be interested in my half-baked weather theories, so I'll write about them here.

Things I always find interesting:

The weather. Here or anywhere. I could talk about this for hours.
A study of accents. Where people are from, how they came to sound that way, what influences the way we pronounce "cats."
Americans whose parents were born in other countries. Really? Your Dad grew up in Senegal? Awesome! Let's talk about it at length!!

Things other people find interesting when I talk about them for hours:

...

There's nothing to put there.

I'm leaving on a jet plane this evening after work to go home for my sister's bachelorette party/spa day/bridal luncheon/weekend-long celebration of lights. I have (1) a direct flight (2) out of Reagan National airport. I'm so excited I could pee! Normally I have to take 3 planes, a train, and a goat to get from DC to New Orleans!

Hey, here's a question--why do software programs recognize the word "bachelor" but not "bachelorette?" I mean, I know bachelorette is a made-up word, but I feel like it's worked its way into the vernacular well enough to be accepted by Outlook and Blogger. I think maybe it's a tool of the patriarchy. They would prefer that, instead of "bachelorette," we use "spinster." Yep, "spinster" doesn't raise any red flags. The man is always keeping us down.

Alas! No beans!

2009-01-13T16:44:00.003-05:00

So, I did, in fact get my shipment in from Rancho Gordo. And I did, in fact, tear open the box and squeal with glee over all the pretty beans. But I didn't cook any. I'm sure I had an excuse. Oh, right. I work two jobs.

Amazingly, I was scheduled to have Sunday off from my second job at Retail Store. Because most of my days I request off are spent travelling to and from New Orleans and spending time there, I very, very rarely have a day off that is just a day off. On Sunday, I woke up at 9, put a pot roast on to slow cook, made red lentil soup, then made breakfast for my darlin', then put away the Christmas decorations, then did a load of laundry, then made some mini broccoli cheese frittatas to take for breakfast. And I watched the Karate Kid II and straightened my apartment. And I wonder, before I got the second job, DID I EVER FULLY APPRECIATE HAVING TWO WHOLE DAYS OFF? The answer is no. I was amazed by how much I got done and by all the time I had left over to shout foolishness at my darlin' while he tried to work.

What I hope to accomplish tonight: I want to deliver 3 boxes of stuff to Goodwill. I want to unwrap the new glasses I got, wash them, and put them away. I want to clear out my old glasses so that there is room in the cabinets. I want to take my trash out and wash the dishes in my sink. So help me, I will do at least one of these things tonight.

Dieting Tips for the Perpetually Lazy

2009-01-09T09:58:00.000-05:00

Gah. I'm on a diet again. Again. Boo.

My sister is getting married in March and I am the maid of honor. Oh, I'm honored! The best man, incidentally, is well over six feet tall. And he's a triathlete. Woo, boy, am I going to look dumpy next to him! I can't wait.

Actually, I can wait. I keep wishing the wedding were a little later in the year so I could spend more time (not) dieting and (not) working out. I can accept that I am a chunk, but I'd really rather not look dumpy in pictures that will live on for years. I already saw the pictures from the bridal shower (oh, the joys of facebook) and I can say with some certainty that I looked like an albino moose in a wig. But, enough about that. I hate talking about my body as though it has betrayed me, when really I have betrayed it. Instead of being mindful of the things I eat and the amount of activity I engage in, I've been eating whatever strikes my fancy. And I've made very little effort to do otherwise.

While I was in law school, I was on the South Beach diet pretty consistently for several months. I lost some weight, got some muscle tone (I was also working out), and just generally felt better about the way my clothes fit and the way I looked. I fully intended to start up with this again now, but I just keep eating the worst possible stuff. Ugh.

So, OK, as my body digests my everything bagel and thinks, "Woman! Eat some damn vegetables!" I will resolve once more to cut out wheat and sugar and focus on some healthier options.

Oh, the real tip? Stop eating everything bagels slathered in cream cheese. And stop ordering pizza when, one way or another, you're going to end up eating the whole thing over the next few days. It's still a whole pizza you're eating.

I'm expecting my shipment of beans from Rancho Gordo (www.ranchogordo.com) today. I'll be back on Monday to let you know how the first bean-cooking trial went.

Food, Glorious Food

2009-01-08T12:19:00.001-05:00

Things I tried to like, but failed:

1. Mushrooms
2. Zucchini
3. Pumpkins and other squashes (gourds?)
4. Pork*
5. Ham
6. Seafood**
7. Cooked apples
8. Sweet potatoes***
9. Spiced desserts, like those involving nutmeg and cloves and allspice
10. Cabbage
11. Celery****

Things I tried to like and succeeded:
1. Olives
2. Bacon
3. Lamb
4. Duck
5. Tomato soup
6. French onion soup

*So, this isn't universal. But I don't like pork shoulder, pork roast, pork potstickers, etc. I will eat pork sausage, but not always. I made a meatsauce using only pork sausage one time and I couldn't eat it. It grossed me out. Sorry, I tried.

**I get so much hell about this one. When people find out that I don't eat seafood, they're always like, "but, you're from Louisiana!" Yes. This is true. But I tried. I can't stand the smell. I want to like it! It often looks good. And sushi is so adorable! But I just can't do it. The only exception is StarKist tuna from a can. And spare me the argument that salmon isn't fishy, or I would like X if I had X prepared a certain way. No. I wouldn't.

***Oh, how I long to like sweet potatoes!! I just can't. They taste weird to me. Maybe a little squash-like? It's a weird flavor that I can't put a name to, but always makes me dry heave a little.

****Celery makes me gag. If chopped into little bits and cooked, as in soup, or red beans, I don't mind it. But no matter how tiny it is, if it's raw, I'll taste it. I'll know it's there and it will make me gag. Gahh! Celery! Blech!

Where Art Thou, HTML?

2009-01-07T19:08:00.002-05:00

When I blog at work, HTML must be disabled. Or Java? I don't know nothing about programming no blogs.

So, I had to make a modification to my last post to insert a link where before it was a non-linky web address. Isn't this interesting? Awesome.

So, onto other things. I'm doing a joint project with someone I work with and their portion leaves much to be desired. What to do? I'm not the first person to encounter this dilemma. I'm probably not the first person to sit in my office who has faced the problem of a teammate who isn't pulling his or her weight. But I'm not sure if I should just let it go and let our manager sort it out, offer to help, or just revise the offending portions without being asked. Perhaps I'll do nothing. That course of action always works out for the best.

Hey, more than a year ago, I fell on the steps at a restaurant (Maggiano's, if you must know). All was well for many months, and now I'm experiencing some foot pain. Oh, did I say "some?" I meant a hell of a lot. It's weird and I don't know what to do about it. I would go to the doctor, but I feel weird going to a sports medicine/orthopedist to be like, "I fell a while ago and my foot hurts." And when I search for primary care physicians on my insurance company's website, all I get are the names of doctors who work from clinics. And, OK, sue me, but I would like to go to an actual doctor's office. One where I get my insurance co-pay's worth. I mean, I pay for the insurance every month, right? I should at least get a waiting room with padded folding chairs. Barack Obama, solve my healthcare crisis!

I Hate the News. Also, Resolutions!

2009-01-02T14:47:00.002-05:00

I hate the news. I do. I did a brief stint in an office that dealt with Congress. In said office, I had a TV at my desk and it was expected I be up on the goings-on of government and politics (incidentally, I also hate politics). After a month, I felt so depressed and drained that I HATED that job. But, you know what? I don't think it was the job's fault at all. I think it was the news. I know that there are many, many people (my Darlin' included) who think that a failure to keep up with current events is the most inexcusable form of willful ignorance. I don't care, though. My life seems lighter and brighter when I'm not up on every crisis facing the planet. Yes, I know it's a little ridiculous, but denial is my BFF.

And now, resolutions!

OK, my first resolution was to unpack my suitcase from my Christmas travels by January 1st. Check! It's done! 2009 is a success!

Second resolution: create a working budget and financial plan. Ugh. I think I tried this last year, too. The problem is that I am completely disorganized, scatterbrained, and undisciplined. Shocking, no? I'll keep you posted on how the budget is coming. I should actually do some work this week, though, so it will have to wait for a slow day at the office (because it needs to be done in Excel. Duh.)

Third resolution: bring one box of items to Goodwill every month. If I am 12 boxes closer to a decluttered apartment come December 31st, I will feel...better somehow. Bonus points for 2 boxes per month!

Fourth resolution: I want to sew a dress and a skirt from a pattern, all proper-like, with my sewing machine. I play around with my sewing machine all the time, but I never produce anything wearable. Or anything that I would be proud to tell people I had made. This will be my year, though! I'm excited. If you're wondering what kind of dress I'd like to make, look here: dress!

Wouldn't that be an adorable dress for a summer garden party? And you know how many of those I host every year...

There may be more resolutions that occur to me as the year progresses, but I think this is a good start. Working from a budget would improve my quality of life overall, as would decluttering my home. Overall life improvement. That's what I'm all about here.

Do They Know It's Christmas Time At All?

2008-12-31T14:28:00.000-05:00

So, yeah, Christmas.

Blah.

Here's the thing: Christmas is really exciting for me. I like it. I like visiting my family, I like buying presents, I like receiving presents, and, perhaps most importantly, WRAPPING presents.

But.

I'm kind of getting tired of it. Looking back on last Christmas, which was my first Christmas since graduating from school, I realize there was a lot of stress. Now, when I say my first Christmas since graduating from school, I mean the first Christmas in 20 years where I was not on "Christmas break." In fact, I was on no break at all, because I had just started my job, so I had no money and no vacation time. I flew out the Saturday before Christmas and flew back Christmas day. And then went back to work early the next morning. So, yeah, some stress.

This Christmas, I daresay it was worse. I had no excuse for not being on top of everything. Oh, well, I did get a second job to help pay down some credit card debt. And I did have to plan for my sister's bridal shower, to be held on the 27th. But I did have some vacation time. And a little bit of money. And I'm more settled into my apartment now than I was last Christmas.

I just can't help feeling like I'm missing out on actually enjoying it. And, yeah, I know you've heard it all before. But I'm not talking about missing out on the true meaning of Christmas or remembering that Jesus is the Reason for the Season or anything so deep or spiritual as that. Just that I like to buy presents, get presents, eat good food and hang out with my family.

And this year I spent a month WORRYING about these things instead of looking forward to them. I worried about getting everything down to New Orleans in one piece. I worried about how I would fit all my gifts in my luggage (if that isn't a first-world sob story no one sobs over, I don't know what is). I worried about my flights, My Darlin's flights, getting both of us to and from the airport. I worried about neglecting someone while I was in town to visit. And I did neglect people. Like everyone. And so here I am. It's New Year's Eve and I haven't recovered from Christmas. I haven't unpacked my suitcase. I haven't beaten the Super Mario Brothers game. Oh, whoops. I mean, I have bigger concerns than that.

SO! This year. This year will be better. As you can see from my very first post here on No Major Issues, this blog was a New Year's Resolution of sorts from last year. Although I didn't keep up with it quite like I had hoped, I do plan to try harder this year. I'll be back soon to regale you with stories of my New Year's Eve (Pop Tart, anyone?).

Planty Planty Plants

2008-08-11T10:01:00.003-04:00

I don't think I'm a good gardener. Actually, that's overstating it--I don't think I'm a good house plant-tender. I had 2 plants in my house until yesterday. One was a tiny little thing, green and leafy, in a small ceramic pot, the other a tall palm-like thing, in a large plastic pot. I think I last watered them in June.

But anyway.

Obviously, when you are not very good at tending the plants in your house, the solution is to buy more plants, so that they can all mock you with their dying and their leaf-losing. Yesterday, I went to IKEA to buy some new plants. I bought 5. I didn't really need 5, but my living room has this weird stale smell to it and I thought that bringing in some plants might help to freshen it up. (Does it work that way? Will the plants magically make my living room have fresher air?) I'm quite pleased with how these plants look, in their adorable, matching, white, ceramic pots. Hopefully I'll remember to water these. I bought a purple watering can as well to make watering more fun, so I'm on my way to a lush, verdant habitat, fit for fauna of the Amazon.

I might need to go buy a bag of dirt tonight. The large palm-like plant is just in a plastic pot inside the much larger plastic pot and is leaning precariously to one side. There's something about buying dirt, though, right? I mean, can't I just go somewhere and grab a couple handfuls? All this plant talk got you down? I'll change the subject.

I have been designing some databases (definitely not something I'm trained to do) and I've been consulting Colour Lovers for some color palettes that will look nice together and be better than the default blues and greys. I do love this site and all the great patterns and palettes, but methinks sometimes these designers get a little too into their "art," most of which is probably done in MS Paint. Par example, the palette I chose for my most recent database is called "Archaic Love." Really? Archaic? Nice.

What's Your Dream?

2008-08-08T11:04:00.002-04:00

Do you remember that guy in Pretty Woman that walked around asking people what their dreams were? No? OK.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my future. I'm sure I'm completely alone in contemplating what the next 10 years of my life look like. No one has similar thoughts, concerns, and wishes, right? I'm a totally unique little blogger, right?

Anycrap, I've been thinking about what my dream job is and how I might get there. The problem with focusing on my one goal in life and not straying from it is that I actually have two jobs. There are at least two things that I think would make me fabulously happy to do for the rest of my life.

1) The first job would be to work for the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime. They have a branch office in Russia (I know it's a big country, but I don't remember the city and this is a research-free blog) where I would love to work. In what capacity? Dunno. But, since I am quite pro-Russia and quite anti-drug, it suits my interests nicely.

2) The second job is to open "Little Buffalo Dry Goods," either in New Orleans (my hometown) or in Del Ray, Virginia, which is a charming little community. The little shop I'm thinking of would sell fabric by the yard, as well as various handmade goods and craft supplies. When I picture it, there are lots of windows and the shop itself is fairly simple--most of the decorations are supplied by bolts of brightly colored fabrics that are for sale and brightly colored skeins of yarn and embroidery floss. Oh, if only.

So, yes, those are my two dream jobs. I don't know which I'll work toward. At the moment, the thought of expending a large quantity of money to start my own business seems appalling. What with the student loans and the credit card debt--oy, the credit card debt--spending any money seems appalling. Perhaps there will be a way, someday.

In other news, I can't remember the last time I ate a vegetable, so it may be time to have a salad for lunch.

My Own Private Idago

2008-07-30T12:43:00.002-04:00

Lately at work I've been working on a project that involves all 50 states and various territories, commonwealths, etc. Not only does this project allow me to show off some of my Microsoft Office skillz, which were hard won in high school computer science, but I also get to type the names of the states a lot. This delights me. There are some states, though, that I just can't seem to get right, no matter how many times I type them--Idaho and Massachusetts.

For Mass..., I can just never remember where there are double esses and where there are double tees. I just throw a bunch of them in there and hope for the best. Also, I think Massachusetts should consider switching from Mass to Ma + that little German character that stands for a double "s." Let's spice things up, Massachusetts!

For Idaho, as noted in the title, I always type "Idago." Frankly, I think this is an improvement. Ida-GO! Idaho should consider it when coming up with a new tourism slogan.

Nothing else to report.

To Hose or Not to Hose

2008-07-18T15:13:00.003-04:00

I've recently stopped wearing pantyhose to work. There are so many good reasons to avoid pantyhose (e.g., the discomfort, the potty-related inconvenience, the near-certain destruction before a big meeting) that it's strange that more people don't forgo them all together. Or maybe they do. Maybe I'm behind the times.

It may be a Southern thing--ladies do not go out in skirts with their legs bare. Certainly, they don't go to the office with bare legs. Heavens! There's also the girdle question, which to me settles itself as soon as you ask me to purchase something called "girdle." (See previous entry on "Crunk") My Granny would never go out in a skirt if she weren't wearing a girdle. Sometimes I consider it, but then I remember that being free and easy is preferable.

So, to settle the question once and for all, my pros and cons of pantyhose:

Pro

Smooths out curves when wearing pencil skirts
Makes leg skin appear smooth and flawless and, just as importantly, not the color of skim milk
Not necessary to shave legs on a regular basis (wait, what?)
Makes wearing of shorter skirts to the office less of a faux pas (this really applies more to tights, but it makes sense in this list as well)

Con

Considering I usually only get one wearing out of them before I put a thumb through the calf, this is an expensive proposition
Delays emergency potty breaks by crucial seconds (no need to mention that I could just go to the bathroom when I first feel the urge)
Allows me to be extra lazy on the leg shaving front
Difficult to find a perfect fit and too small pantyhose are the worst

That's enough of this list, I think. Today I am wearing a blue skirt that is a rather full cut, some conservative looking pumps, and no hose. Also, I took a chunk of my heel out when I was shaving this morning and it looks like I was in a slasher movie. The band-aid is barely covering the carnage.

Oh, right, I was going to settle the pantyhose question. I think the real answer for me lies in not having a position one way or the other. When I'm wearing a skirt that I feel adequately conceals all that needs to be concealed, I don't mind skipping the hose. When I have an important meeting or my legs will not just be hanging out under my desk all day, I'll probably end up wearing pantyhose. Ditto for if I feel my outfit might not be dressy enough for work--pantyhose and "conservative pumps" make everything a little classier. Oh! Class! That should have been on the Pro list.

MRI!

2008-07-16T09:09:00.001-04:00

I went to get my MRI this morning. Here is my review, in case you were considering getting one—
1. They asked if I was claustrophobic. I’m all, “Nah.” Then they start to slide me into the tube, the top of which is about 4 inches from my face. And I start to get nervous. Luckily, they end up sliding me most of the way through the tube, so if I look up I can see the ceiling.
2. I was listening to the radio on the big ol’ stereo headphones they gave me to wear and the station keeps fading in and out, which annoys me to no end.
3. My arms are all crossed across my chest and I’m holding a little buzzer to call the tech (nurse?) if I need her. I’m a nervous wreck that I’m going to move and/or accidentally hit the buzzer. I tried to just rest my elbows against the sides of the tube (yes, the sides were that close) to keep from moving too much. I give myself a B-.
4. It is HOT. I can feel the sweat trickling down my back and my chest and I feel disgusting. My face is all greasy, my hair is starting to get damp…ugh.
5. My back is arched in an unnatural position that is starting to hurt my hips.
6. Tech/Nurse comes back in because it’s time to inject the contrast serum (or whatever they call it). That goes OK, so it’s back in the tube for 10 more minutes.
7. About 5 minutes to go, and I start to freak out a little. I can feel my back cramping up (ready to be a jerk for the rest of the day), I’m sweating buckets, and I’m starting to feel claustrophobic. I now know what people mean when they say that. I’m ready to hit the buzzer and just tell her to use what they have, because I need to get out of there. My heart is pounding and I’m sweating even more and I start to feel a little teary and panicky but I make myself hold out for the remaining 5 minutes.
8. Time’s up. I change my clothes and go wake up My Darlin', who was in the waiting room.

All in all, I give the experience an F+. I’m always fascinated by new (to me) medical procedures, so I was kind of excited-nervous about getting the MRI, but I didn’t enjoy it at all. Also, I was given a coral-colored kimono to wear whilst in the tube. When I walked out of the MRI room, there was a man wearing a blue kimono. And I wondered—do we really need to distinguish our gender by kimono color? It would be ok to have me wear a blue kimono while getting an MRI. It really would be ok to have the men wear coral kimonos while in the MRI. We’re not infants. People aren’t relying on our choice of color to determine our gender. Besides, I look terrible in coral.

The Temptation on my Desk

2008-05-20T09:27:00.004-04:00

I spent a large portion of the day yesterday reading archives from this blog. Feeling all inspired, I decided to use my "Lock & Lock" food storage containers to pack a lunch. My Nanny bought me these containers from QVC, which is her most favorite-est mall ever. More about that another time.

So, today's menu: two frozen meatballs from Trader Joe's, mashed potatoes, and edamame (can I please just call them soybeans?) with sesame seeds. I was inspired by Biggie's morning prep work on her bento box lunches. Normally, if the cupboard was bare, I would just get McDonald's or something for lunch or bring one of my shelf-stable packages of Trader Joe's lentils. Seriously, try the Indian themed lentils. But, hey--if a woman with a preschooler can make 3 healthy, creative lunches in the mornings then I can surely handle it. So.

The meatballs:
Yeah, these involved no prep work. They are frozen. I opened the bag and put two into one of my bigger Lock & Locks.

The mashed potatoes:
A few weeks (OK, months) back, I bought a bag of frozen veggies. It was a mix of baby corn, baby carrots, red peppers, broccoli, and tiny new potatoes. I have eaten everything out of this package except for a handful of potatoes and the carrots, which--sorry--went in the trash. So I just took the frozen little potatoes (so cute!) and threw them into my tiniest sauce pan of salted boiling water and went about my business until they were cooked to a near mush. Then I tossed them into the colander, then back into the pot. Then I added a splash of half & half and a pat of butter. They may be the best mashed potatoes I've ever made--no trying to get fancy or worrying about proportions. And, really--isn't the proper proportion of butter to anything else infinity:1?

The soybeans:
I just boiled them in their pods from their frozen state, then shelled them and put them in smaller Lock & Lock with rice vinegar, sesame oil, soy sauce, and some toasted sesame seeds. They are the temptation on my desk. I want to eat them right now. I decided not to put them in the fridge, because they don't really contain anything that can't sit safely at room temperature for a few hours. And because they look so delicious. I like knowing they're there. The promise of a delicious lunch.

Enough about lunch? OK.

Live Music and the Modern Woman

2008-04-02T15:34:00.003-04:00

Growing up, I was against music that did not sound exactly as its most familiar (to me) recording. I was disappointed in live musicals that didn't sound the way they did on the Original Cast Recording cassettes I listened to ad nauseum. I also didn't really like concerts because, hey, "THAT'S NOT HOW THAT SONG ENDS!" This went on unabated for many years and, truthfully, there is still some aspect of that lingering in my little adverse-to-change mind. I didn't like seeing The Lion King on Broadway--despite the small fortune my Ma shelled out for tickets--because I knew the story and the songs and this was different. And don't even get me started about album recordings of live shows. Just KILL me, why don't you?

Past a certain age I moved on from my dislike of concerts. I think the trick was to think of the concerts as separate and different from recorded works. Like, "this isn't like Better Than Ezra's Deluxe album, it's Better Than Ezra live." More recently I have come to love some live albums, but I think it depends on the quality of the performance/performers, the quality of the recording, and whether you can accept that the music doesn't sound the way it's "supposed to." Yeah, it's a blend of the inter- and the intra-.

Here are my humble submissions for the live album Walk of Fame:

The Smoking Popes, At Metro
The Kinks, The Kinks Kronikles
Cowboy Mouth, All You Need Is Live

Mood Music

2008-03-31T10:31:00.002-04:00

I listen to Pandora online radio at work. Depending on my work tempo and level of stress, I will flip through my self-created stations to find something that either soothes or inspires. I have several stations. For those of you not familiar with Pandora, it works like this: You create an account, then create stations based on a song or an artist that strikes your fancy. Pandora then finds other music with characteristics similar to those of the chosen song or artist. They say it more eloquently on the page, so I probably should have just copied that, but I already typed this so there it is.

My stations are:

Claude Debussy
New Kids on the Block
Golden Years (by David Bowie)
Chain of Fools (by Aretha Franklin)
New Pornographers
Poison
Reel Big Fish
Rusted Root
Rod Stewart
The Music of the Night (from Phantom of the Opera)
Better Than Ezra

This list is not to brag about my ecelectic music taste. Frankly, the stations tend to overlap, sometimes in ways I do not understand. Par example, the same God-forsaken Coldplay song has shown up and been thumbs-downed on 4 different stations.

Anyway, since my music taste changes with my mood, I often find myself wondering why I gave certain songs a thumbs up. There are some really grating songs that I apparently decided were worth listening to a second time. In the end, they were not. Also, I have no particular allegiance to Debussy: I was looking for some good classical music to have playing in the background when lyrics would just ruin my train of thought.

Well, there's work to be done.

Twice in One Day!

2008-03-24T16:41:00.002-04:00

More than once per day, I send a loving, affectionate, sometimes lewd e-mail to my Darlin' at work. Often they say things about what we will have for dinner, sometimes they contain pictures of baby animals, occasionally they reference his package. Without fail I will click send and then immediately panic as I start to wonder whether I did indeed type the correct e-mail address in the "to" box. My heart races as I madly flip to the sent messages folder to make sure that it did go to Darlin'@mydarlin'swork.com and not in response to the last person to send me an e-mail. In this case, it would have been a response titled, "Don't You Love Me Anymore?" reading, "Tacos for dinner!" to the message, "this document does not have a number because it is not part of a series."

Now on to the subject of this post.

I have an unhealthy relationship with the CVS near my work. It's on the small side for a CVS, selling only 20 or 30 brands of deodorant instead of the usual 90, but it serves its purpose. However, I never carry cash, thus I always need to use my card and I always feel like I need to spend more than $5 to justify the use of the credit card. I have no sound reasoning for why I believe this. The CVS cashiers would most likely allow me to charge 45 cents worth of merchandise. This may not be a problem for a normal person but I am notoriously bad with money. And because I go to this CVS oh, 5 times per week, I end up spending a lot of money there. Today for example, I went once in the morning and bought a hairbrush and deodorant to keep in my office, then decided to buy a box of tissues to bump my purchase above $5 (reasonable purchases all). I went again in the afternoon because I had forgotten to purchase the item I went there in the morning to get. The item in question, though, was only $2.50. So, naturally, I had to buy $2.50 worth of Little Debbie cakes so I wouldn't have to feel weird consumer guilt about using my check card for this.

Shoe Shopping

2008-03-11T16:22:00.002-04:00

Recently, I've come across a fashion blog that I find irresistible: Fashion is Spinach. I like this girl for several reasons, not the least of which is that she refers to herself with the royal "we." Anyway, she was posting about shoes and then I started thinking about shoes. Naturally, when I think of shoes (and shopping at work), I think of Zappos. So, I'm on Zappos and they're advertising new Spring! shoes, which are most certainly different from my Winter shoes* (no exclamation point)**. I'm poking around and come across a Steve Madden shoe named "Crunk." Admittedly, the shoe is a little, um, trashy for my taste. But even if it was the most beautiful shoe in the world, I wouldn't be able to get past the name. CRUNK.

I'm probably overly sensitive to shoe names and I have no sound psychological reasoning for it. I just couldn't bring myself to order CRUNK from Zappos, even if it was a darling yellow patent leather mary jane. CRUNK.

(When I was in college I dated a guy whose dad was a Croatian immigrant. The boyfriend's Dad's name was Luka. I actually bought a pair of sandals named "Luka" because I couldn't resist. The shoe name thing--it's pathological.)

*I'm using this asterisk as a segue into my next topic. I started my first real live big-girl job in November of last year. I had tons of dark-colored, wintry, somber clothing from my career as a law student in Michigan, where Winter is the most beautiful nine months of the year. Now that Spring is coming, I'm getting nervous. When I lived in hot, humid Louisiana, I had little use for business clothes, so I have nothing to show for Spring time office wear. This is a shallow concern. I would gladly go buy a billion dollars worth of bright colors and light fabrics, but ohyeahimpoor.

**My favorite cousin Vic and his now wife Melissa were having a conversation with me before they were married, where Melissa gave a silly but impassioned speech about nothing important. She finished the whole thing by saying, "EXPLANATION POINT!" and drawing an exclamation point in the air with her finger. I think of that ALL THE TIME. I like to remind Vic of it, too, because it's so funny and if you can't laugh at your wife's expense, well, why did you get married?

Well, it's worth a shot...

2008-03-05T09:10:00.005-05:00

For starters, let me say that, as a rule, I'm pretty anti-drug. I understand that the world is full of mitigating circumstances, but rarely do those circumstances come into play when someone is arrested on possession, intent to distribute, etc. I.e., it's unlikely that you're smuggling 1,000 lbs of marijuana into the country because your grandmother suffers from glaucoma.

Some of you (those who went to law school) may remember the hullabaloo about use of peyote in certain hallucinogenic religious rituals. I just don't think that's the case here, for our friend Robert:

If children can drink wine during Holy Communion, then Robert George Henry insists he should be able to smoke marijuana without being hassled by the cops.

The Franklin County man claims he is a rolling-paper-carrying member of the Hawaii Cannabis Ministry, a denomination devoted to the use of marijuana as a sacrament.

Henry will ask President Judge Edgar B. Bayley to dismiss drunken-driving and marijuana possession charges filed by state police on grounds that his drug use is a constitutionally protected religious practice.

OK, I could see your "marijuana use as a religious experience" argument here. But you were also arrested for drunken driving. Does that enhance your religious experience, Robert? Because I'm sure it enhanced your toking experience. Also, YOU WERE IN A CAR. I know churches are getting all new age and hip, but I have to wonder about a denomination that involves drinking and getting high by yourself IN YOUR CAR. Sorry, friends, I don't buy it. (article courtesy of PennLive.com - http://www.pennlive.com/news/patriotnews/index.ssf?/base/news/120459211064760.xml&coll=1)

In unrelated news, I have a light green Nalgene bottle that came with my Brita pitcher. Yesterday, I made some Crystal Light in it, then refilled it with water when I was mostly done. As such, the water inside has a slightly pinkish tinge that, when seen through the light green plastic, makes it look like I have a large bottle of urine on my desk.

Are you freakin' kidding me?

2008-03-04T20:23:00.003-05:00

So, I have tried home bikini waxing before (abrupt change in blog tone, anyone?). It didn't go well. It just became a glob of hot wax mixed with hairs that refused to come out and me pulling, pulling, pulling at my skin, trying to figure out how to get the wax off without tearing off my flesh. It turns out you have to let the wax cool. OH. MY. GOD. Had I known that this, THIS tiny little change in behavior could have saved me the mind-numbing agony of yanking warm, sticky wax off my very sensitive bikini area...oh, not to mention that I bought no fewer than 3 separate d-i-y bikini waxing kits. Sheesh.

I suppose it could just be that (a) I didn't read the directions and (b) I did not have any hands-on experience with at-home waxing growing up. Not that I can really blame my Mom for not explaining the intricacies of at-home bikini area care*. I mean, really--who wants to think of their mother in this context? And for anyone out there thinking, "Well, your children need to develop a healthy understanding of sex and sexuality," I firmly believe that no good really comes of thinking about your mother's goodies attracting any sort of attention.

*She did, on the other hand, repeatedly stress the importance of not shaving our diego mustaches because they would grow back thicker.

An unfulfilling bias?

2008-02-15T15:12:00.002-05:00

So, I never really watched the American version of "The Office." I mean, I loved the British version, but that may be attributed to my unbridled love of Ricky Gervais. Only recently--after I ran out of episodes of "30 Rock" to watch on nbc.com--did I even bother to watch a single episode of Steve Carrell's "The Office." I'm afraid I have been selling myself short. Turns out it's hilarious.

And, although I have to admire the restraint of Ricky Gervais and Steven Merchant and their decision to call it quits after 2 seasons of their version, I kinda wish they hadn't. That's the beauty of the newer version -- it just keeps going. And that means many more seasons to rent from Netflix.

With that, my friend(s), I leave you with these words from my second experience with "The Office" American-style: "Computers are about trying to murder you in a lake."

The Best Thing I've Seen All Week.

2008-01-29T13:36:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, in front of a Catholic bookstore in downtown DC--

A homeless man stands on the sidewalk, his satchel spewing still protectively-wrapped Bob Dylan CDs. A store employee stands in the doorway of the store, asking the man what he wants and receiving no answer. The homeless man screams seemingly random lyrics from "Like a Rolling Stone." The store employee seems baffled that there is no theological debate in the works and begins to threaten the homeless man with a phone call to the police.

--I wish I could have stayed to watch.

Things I Actually Say.

2008-01-18T16:22:00.000-05:00

"I can't decide if they're school marm-y, in a bad way."

Of Course It Deserves 5 Stars!

2008-01-18T10:47:00.001-05:00

Recently, I signed up for Netflix. My darling, my brother Bubbles, and several of my friends also have Netflix. They all share their queues so they can see what the others are renting and how they've rated different movies. I just don't think this is for me.

Part of the reason I wanted Netflix over just renting movies from Blockbuster is the sheer anonymity of it. I can rent whatever I would like, as many times as I like, without the usual fear that someone will see me renting Hook for the 13th time (I own it now, thank you). Or, that the guy at the desk will roll his eyes when I ask if they have The Virgin Suicides. True story.

Moreover, I don't want to have to pretend to like things I really hate. I mean, in general, I don't do this. I hated The Constant Gardener. In spite of wanting all people to be treated with the utmost care and respect and never to fall prey to corporations trying to save a buck, I found it too preachy. And that's coming from me, a preacher extraordinaire.

The bottom line is that I don't want to have to answer to anyone as to why I gave Being John Malkovich 2 stars and Mean Girls 5 stars. Lay off me.

Or, as my Darlin' says, "yeah, that's why you end up renting Kurosawa when you really want to rent Shrek 3."

How Much I Love Sublime Stitching.

2008-01-16T16:48:00.000-05:00

I almost bought the whole site today. I was just going to call up the girl in charge and say, "put it on my Visa." But I didn't. Because, you see, I bought the Stitch-It Kit when I was still working at Borders. And then I bought Sublime Stitching right before I left Borders. So, I still have about 3 miles of embroidery floss and eleventy billion patterns to use.

I think, now that I have spent a good chunk of change on little odds and ends from jcaroline, that I will devote myself to using up all that I have at home. Then, once everything has been glued, stitched, cut, wrapped, and finished, I will look around in pride and decide that now, NOW, now is the time to buy more things.

The last thing I will buy before I call it quits, though, is a small amount of adorable fabrics to make into magnets, buttons, and pillows -- all to be likewise embroidered.

Fabric from Japan, and Being Poor.

2008-01-16T10:04:00.000-05:00

Until recently, I had never heard of Etsy, never dreamed of importing my own fabric from Japan, and never considered decorating my home in things that didn't come from Pier 1.

But lately. Lately, I have seen the light! I can't stop searching "vintage buttons" on Etsy. What am I going to do with these buttons?! Even if I actually purchase them, which I haven't done yet, I have no plans for them. I would just keep them in a little box on my nightstand and gaze lovingly at them every night.

Which brings me to the crux of the problem--it's not a fear of buyer's remorse keeping me from buying every beautiful vintage button that crosses my path. It's a fear of not being able to pay my cell phone bill (ahem, again) because I have spent all of my money on frivolity. I have such brilliant plans to decorate in adorable kitsch-y fabrics from Japan and works by independent, starving artists peddling their wares on Etsy. All I need is a raise, right?

Now Less Vile!

2008-01-11T10:51:00.001-05:00

As part of my quest to save money, I've taken to having snacks strategically located in my office. (This relates to money because I'm less likely to go out and buy a snack if there's something within reach.) It's also handy and good for my productivity (!) if I don't spend the whole morning contemplating gnawing my arm off at the elbow for a light snack.

While at Trader Joe's I came across their enormous selection of Luna bars. Kill two birds, right? I'll have easily storable snack foods on hand and also get some nutrition that I miss when I eat popcorn for 6 meals straight. The only problem is they're kind of gross. Did I say kind of? I meant really, really, REALLY gross. I can barely choke them down most of the time. But, you know--they're there and they keep me from feeling that hungry-nauseated feeling I have become so familiar with. Today, however, I ate the blueberry yogurt bar. It didn't make me dry heave. That's a step in the right direction.

Movin' On Up

2008-01-07T11:19:00.000-05:00

Recently, I rented an absolutely adorable apartment in an old house in Virginia. The neighborhood is adorable, the house is adorable, the apartment is adorable. Some day, there will be pictures.

But not now, no, definitely not. Because it's a disaster. I moved from a 1-bedroom apartment in Ann Arbor to a 4-bedroom house, then briefly lived with my Darlin', then to my Paran's house, then, finally, to a 1-bedroom apartment in Ol' Virginny.

Living by yourself is amazing.

Having boxes stacked on boxes, stacked on the coffee table, which is on top of some flattened boxes? Not amazing. The point of the moving narrative is that I have moved several times in the past few years and several more times before that. And I am still in possession of things that I should have thrown away before I moved from Louisiana to Michigan.

Hence the disaster. I only hope to get everything squared away before my sister comes to visit. In less than 2 weeks. Right.

Babies Will Listen to Anything

2008-01-04T09:03:00.000-05:00

Recently I heard a piece on NPR about the new baby-friendly music that would be coming out this year (or that had come out last year). The host of the radio show was saying something along the lines of, "I know many parents are wondering if any good lullabies will be released this year." And I thought, "Really? Where are these parents and why hasn't anyone clubbed them in the head yet?"

Truth be told, there are obviously some things that keep your baby, toddler, pre-schooler quiet for longer periods of time. I've spent a lot of time kids under the age of 4 and I know they respond pretty well to songs that are meant to start singalongs. But that doesn't mean that you can't just listen to the radio. They like that, too.

Case in point: my adorable cousin Lizard (real name withheld) used to sing along with the Paula Cole song, "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" She didn't know all of the words, just the, "yip-i-yi, yip-i-yay" part, which she sang over and over again. She loved it, it was adorable, and not once did we have to resort to the Wiggles. She also sang a strangely word-free version of "Isn't It Ironic?" but she has been forgiven for that.

Seemingly random Capitalization

2008-01-02T16:22:00.001-05:00

Have you ever noticed that certain words in some documents Are capitalized, as though to Emphasize their Importance? It makes me Wonder:

1. Are the proofreaders German? From what little I know about the German language, I believe that all Nouns are capitalized.

2. Are these words more important than the other words in the sentence? And, if so, is there a hierarchy of importance? Like, step 1. Capitalization - more important than lowercase words; step 2. Italics - more important than words that are merely capitalized; step 3. Bold - more important than italicized words, less important than underlined words.

Methinks it is the latter--people don't really know how to make things stand out in their writing and they're unsure of themselves. Like they're thinking, "I feel that this word is important, but what if it's not? Maybe I should just capitalize it, rather than putting it in italics, in case it's not important."

Case in point: I was reading a report today that was filled with words that were capitalized though they were not parts of titles or proper nouns. E.g., "Administration" Maybe it's just longer words that need to be capitalized. Those are the important ones.

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T09:02:00.000-05:00

Ringing in the new year was rather uneventful. Honestly, I was ready for bed at 9:15. This was even after I took a nap after work. But I stuck it out in honor of my darling, who--truth be told--is a much more successful partier than I am (in spite of his advanced age). We toasted with free champagne at a bar that is literally less than 100 yards from my front door with many drunken revellers who were probably just barely this side of 21.

Yesterday, I discovered that I live remarkably close to yet another shopping center. I was already pleased with living so close to a Target within a strip mall, but the one I found yesterday has a DSW! And a World Market! And an ice skating rink! Oh, the consumerism!

Yes, I am susceptible to marketing gimmicks.

Speaking of - we went to see Walk Hard: the Dewey Cox Story. I would not recommend it to people who do not enjoy low-brow humor. There were several points in the movie where I couldn't believe I had paid money to see it. That being said, I laughed A LOT. I enjoyed it in spite of wanting to feel too mature and sophisticated for such foolishness. There was a penis on the screen--a completely unnecessary penis--for at least a minute. And yet, there I was, laughing with the rest of the teenagers.

Before the movie began, there was a preview for Scary Movie 24, or whatever it's called. These movies are all essentially the same. I have yet to find anything funny in any of the previews and I can only assume that the producers are showing some of the funniest parts there to lure you in. Who watches these movies? I'm ashamed to live in a country that produces such crap. If you have seen and enjoyed these movies, I think I should make a recommendation. Watch Idiocracy. Do you see a parallel between that movie and the present state of society? If not, then you represent everything that is wrong with America. You're the reason the terrorists are winning.

This is not a celebration.

2007-12-31T13:51:00.000-05:00

With my huge surplus of funds this week (Read: $10), I decided to treat myself to lunch at Breadline - so delicious, unnutritious, yum, yum. All I could think about was the chocolate mascarpone cookie. I ordered my sandwich, had it in hand, proceeded to the register, and...nothing. No chocolate mascarpone cookies. Some lame-ass fig cookies and huge brownies. I would have gotten lunch elsewhere if I had known. Aye, me.

New Year, New You

2007-12-31T09:48:00.000-05:00

I have two new year's resolutions:

1. Drink more water.

Because the amount of water I drink on a daily basis averages out to about .1 oz, I don't think it will be hard to achieve this remarkably vague objective.

2. Start a blog.

I've been inspired! Now that I know that this is what former (and current) English majors do, I think it's a brilliant tool for self-expression. I will do my best to be grammatically correct but, really, I make no promises.