Seriously, Lady.

Why did you wait for me to start peeing to spark up a conversation in the bathroom? It wasn't an urgent conversation. Wait for me to finish. Sheesh.

Also, why is the font so huge on every Explorer page I open? I don't know things about computers.

Son of a...

Man, I am so danged angry about all the stuff that I keep breaking. This time, in a truly heart-wrenching moment of fall and break-dom, I lost my poor sweet blackberry. He's there in the back on the right. So sweet, so shy. And now he's gone forever. ARGH. Man, I need a bigger kitchen. Or a better organizational model. Or something. This just isn't working.

In other news, I'm glad the hipster websites I visit can't see the lame-ass stuff I google, like "how do I turn off my iPod?" Seriously, I couldn't remember. And the battery was low. Seriously. I'm such a nerd.

A Day in the Life

Just so you're completely up to date on the "broken and dropped in the kitchen" list, I also knocked over my beloved butter dish. I think the problem is that I have no counter space whatsoever, because every spare inch is covered in a small appliance: microwave, toaster oven, coffee maker, George Foreman (I know), KitchenAid mixer. What's a girl to do?

So, picture, if you will, the following scene (circumstances have been changed to protect the non-idiotic): you work for a small corporation. The CEO of said small corporation is retiring. You work on the 5th floor, the CEO's office is on the 14th floor. It's a small company--you've been in meetings together, you've made presentations to him, and you've seen him in the elevator (even greeted him with a cheery "Good morning, Sir!"). But he doesn't come to the 5th floor. Why would he? He's got the sweet penthouse digs, you work in a glorified broom closet. So, on his last day at the office, he goes on a farewell tour with 2 senior vice presidents who are also leaving the company. One senior VP steps into your office moments before the CEO and says, "you're next." You're not wearing shoes. You're listening to Bon Jovi on Pandora radio. Your dirty dish from lunch is front and center on your desk. There's a back log of 800 PowerPoint slides to be put away covering the entire counter behind you. Did I mention you're not wearing shoes? Yeah. Obviously, the proper response to the VP's warning is to say, "OH CRAP." Then you develop a BIZARRE FACIAL TIC. Seriously. I mean, that is what you do, right? I'm not the only person who reacts this way upon being met with these circumstances. Yeah, I know.